#when at serious risk and using me as their primary support

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

[alarming health stuff, internalized ableism cw]

no, moogle, it is not in fact fishing for sympathy or making excuses for dropping the ball on things or whatever to talk about it when your health issues continue to get worse. you are not scaring people for attention when you post on your personal blog about the fact that you aren't sure yet whether your current condition might be 'dangerous but recoverable' or 'irreversible, incurable, and usually fatal.' stop that.

[submalevolentgrace]

(yesterday i received an ask, which prompted me to write the following response. the asker has apologised for sending it and i took it down to prevent anyone from laying into them, but present is anonymously below because i like my response and want you to see it)

"Based on the fun new revelation that the world is ending before I graduate, is it even worth it to try prepping or should we all just get ready to jump into traffic come 2025?"

okay, there is, A LOT to unpack here. i'm gonna do my best to respond to this helpfully, the way i am facing it: confronting it, emotionally processing it, pragmatically preparing, and holding on to a sort of grim, dark hope.

we're talking about climate collapse and the latest IPCC report here right? first off, it's not a new revelation. maybe it is for you personally, but for humanity as a whole, we've known about the inevitable outcomes of emissions damaging the climate since like the 70's. i found out about it myself in primary school in the mid 90's, when it was still called the greenhouse effect, and i then spent 20 years on and off in various roles of support for climate activism, when i had the spoons. if you're young and just finding out about it now i know it's probably overwhelming, and especially sucks the later you've been born into this mess… but i'm pointing out that it's not new, to underline the point that it's also not sudden. yeah it's getting worse, but it's been getting worse for generations, and will keep getting worse for generations.

it's not a meteor, or a volcano. it's a creeping steady decline of habitability with sputters and bursts of natural disaster; there is no timeline or event or threshold at which the world ends here.

that 2025 "deadline" from this year's IPCC synthesis report, for instance; it's not a date that the world ends. honestly, in some ways, it's kinda meaningless. what it is, as i understand it, is that all the data says that if we want to limit global average temperature rises to 1.5C by end of century - which we do, because even 2C would be catastrophic - we need emissions to peak by 2025 and then rapidly decline. it's a vastly oversimplified agregate of incredibly complex data reduced down to the point of absurdity in a desperate attempt by scientists to get corporations to allow governments to take action to limit corporations. it's a deadline for government action to limit effects by 2100. the year will come, and pass, and the world will go on. probably with emissions still going up, probably with targets shifted again and 2C accepted as the next half hearted goal that will also be missed, but life will go on.

no end of the world. life will go on. into the 2030's, into the 2040's, into the 2100's, life will go on. it'll be hotter and colder, wetter and drier, more storms and bushfires, less food and fertile land, but life will go on. populations will starve, land will become uninhabitable, life will go on. when you hear about "the end of the world" from climate collapse, it's not a hard apocalypse that kills us all off or whatever. it's the slow creep of nature getting more harsh, and the way we do things much harder.

if you look at the serious reports from scientists and militaries, the language you see isn't "end of the world", it's "end of modern societies". that's what's really at risk: the fragile infrastructure that holds up the ruling classes of rich nations and has us all scurrying around to make it work. mass scale power grids, international supply chains and just in time logistics, silicon wafer production, year-round plastic wrapped preserved passionfruit chunks grown in thailand, packed in argentina, sold in france, profits to america, money stored on a computer in the cayman islands. i can't sugarcoat it and say that's all that's at stake; people are definitely going to starve and drown and die of exposure; but that already happens every day in most of the world, right now. there are a million rohingya at the border of bangladesh, locals fleeing khartoum as the west airlifts out is nationals, people whose civilisations were crushed under the boots of empires and land destroyed to create the farmland and factories that are killing the planet. life for them goes on.

i mean, i get it. seeing the impending collapse of your society, everything you've known for your whole life being willfully destroyed, it's fucking devastating. we want to keep sitting here on comfortable couches with our gold and cobalt plated supercomputers sharing cat gifs on the hellsite. we don't want to have our civilisation taken away from us and be forced into brutal struggle to survive. it's going to fucking suck, it will be awful, and it will be (and already is) most destructive to the people who are already the worst off, which just sucks even more… and maybe your life is already bad enough that you don't think you can handle it getting worse. i mean, i've been suicidal since i was 14 and i've been through trauma and medical torture you wouldn't believe since then. i get it. you're scared, terrified even. existentially threatened. you don't know what you can handle and maybe you donn't wanna find out.

but here's the thing: the ONLY sensible thing you can do, now and going forwards, is prepare for it.

you wanna kill yourself when it gets hard? let's say sure, i agree with that. what's the threshold then, what's the limit? when will you kill yourself? the power grid going down? sewerage backing up? supply chains failing and being unable to buy food? from the comfort of the developed world, those all feel like exit points i can imagine many people taking as their out… but how long does it have to last before you know it's carbon-monoxide-party time? a month of no power, no flush, no food? a week, a few months, or a year? because it won't start that way.

it's not a meteor or volcano, it's a slow slide. some powerlines sagged so there's rolling blackouts every now and then, a few hours or a day at a time. pipes backed up a bit so pressure is reduced for a week until repairs are done. fires and plague have closed roads so shelves are bare and stores are limiting purchases on essentials this month. there will be bumps along the road before there will be any sort of definitive cliff where you can say "this is it, now is the time to kill myself". these bumps are already happening.

i really hope you can agree, it'd be absurd to be such a fatalistic doomer that you kill yourself instantly at the first blackout, dry tap, or closed grocery store; when you can't know if it'll be back up in a few hours or tomorrow or next week. these small disruptions are already happening right now, directly as a result of climate collapse, but we're still here, still living. if we're going to talk about suicide as a pragmatic option, you need a threshold, and wherever you set it, you'll have to get through what comes before. "i'll kill myself after a month with no grid" still means you gotta be ready for a week without it. you gotta prepare, even if you plan to not survive.

and i know it's overwhelming, i know. to look around and think about what is essential to keep you going, what you can sacrifice, how you can make it through. but you're not going to be doing it alone, everyone around you is going to be doing it with you. we're all going to be struggling through it, and based on how communities have responded in the last few years to a string of once-in-a-lifetime disasters here in my home of climate-fucked australia, i am certain that when the climate collapses around a group of people, they will form a community and help each other, no matter how selfish and mean of a country bogan (translation: redneck) they are. people will help each other; people already are helping each other.

because yeah, climate collapse will probably destroy modern civilisation… but so what? it's a neoliberal capitalist hellscape quickly plunging us into technologically enforced eternal authoritarianism… and like, not to be an accelerationist or anything, but here's that dark hope i mentioned: i'm kinda relieved by the thought that the infrastructure that enables it won't last this century. that climate collapse will force us out of these horrors, and back into real, interdependent community.

so do what you can to prepare, how you can, to make the little disruptions more bearable and comfortable. there's plenty of resources still available for off grid life, camping, home agriculture, and general self sufficiency out there on the still-existant internet, and more people are getting into it all the time - not just what you imagine when you hear "prepper". any skill you can develop, anything you can do to prepare, even if it's as simple as keeping extra shelf stable food and a jug of clean water around, anything you can do will help you materially and more importantly, mentally.

having some jerry cans of water and a small solar setup has been amazing for my mental health and anxiety! and as much as i'm putting material and energy into preperations, i'm also putting them into comfort, maybe even hedonism. collecting some cool lego, got some fancy synths i didn't need, making fucked up noise music with them. enjoying the sound of the neighbours' chickens, looking forward to the day "the world ends" and i can free-range my own on the council's nature strip and share the eggs with the pottery lady down the street. once you're prepared to survive a week of grid down, maybe you'll realise a month, a year, isn't so unbearable. maybe it starts to feel nice?

because i've been there, the suicidal grief. 2018 was absolutely the worst year of my life and i was sure i'd die being tortured in hospital, and coming out of that, in 2019, both the IPCC and ADF released incredibly bleak reports on climate collapse outcomes, and it all sank in. all the spare spoons i'd sunk into helping when i could, all the decades of scientists desperately warning, it all failed. the final warnings have been coming for years, with no change in course, it's happening. and i faced the realisation that my decades were limited, my time of comfort short, and i started despairing and grieving. i turned to what support systems i had, and they failed me. when my psych asked what i was so anxious about and i started explaining the climate reports, he tensed up and started asking diagnostic questions for dilusional psychosis. i went home and cried, i was sleeping on the couch in the junk storage room of my sharehouse because i'd let my own room fill up with so much trash that there was a distinctly organic smell of growth choking the whole place out. i was fucking done, my heart and body broken, there didn't seem to be any point in anything, not without a future. it's the closest i've been to killing myself since leaving home…

so i said, fuck it. i've got a tiny pool of cash from welfare backpay, and i bought a synth i wanted. it fucking rocked, and brought me so much joy, so i bought another, and another. no future to save for, anyway. i made some cool music, i never saw that psych again, i gave up on my drive for revenge on doctors and finding answers about my fucked up nervous system, why bother when the world is ending? and i made music. i can kill myself later maybe. i started loving myself more, because what's the point starving to death hating myself? i made music and got confident and cleaned my fucking room, bought a new mattress. i met a girl and took a chance and we fucked real good and i fell in love again. i moved out somewhere new and quieter and left a home of over a decade behind me, left parts of my identity behind me, moving forward and growing for the better. i have a family now, the first family that has ever loved me without expecting anything in return, and i love them with all my heart. i listen to the chickens, and watch leaves float down the storm water drain, and make cool music. yesterday i listened to a 14 minute track i made 6 months ago and almost cried, because nobody can make music that is so perfect for my tastes except me, and i brought it into existence. on the weekend i'm gonna set up the solar panel to keep the backup battery topped up, i use it to charge my phone and laptop, which the kids would call solarpunk and i'd call cool as fuck to have a solar powered laptop.

in 2019 i stared into the void and realised there is no real future for me, for human civilisation as we know it, and i grieved and processed… i almost killed myself, but i didn't, and the years since have been the best of my life, no question.

so, no. don't kill yourself, now or in 2025 or at any point until you can't handle the torture anymore. "graduation" sounds young, real young, even if it's tertiary. i'm creeping towards 40, and the age that "graduation" conjures makes me think that you've got a hell of a lot of potential left in you, for fun and stupidity, and growing up, and finding love and heartbreak, and your version of wierd-arse synth music.

so go out there, prepare, and enjoy.

…

…..and for the love of all the false goddesses of the void, never, NEVER EVER again contact a random fucking blog on tumblr and ask if you should kill yourself. holy fuck buddy. the amount of pressure you put me under to deliver an emmaculately worded response that somehow talks you down from the ledge without lying, is way, way too much fucking pressure. i really hope you were being stupidly hyperbolic, but even then, Eris Fucking Kallisti Herself In Absurdist Pagan Blasphemy, so incredibly unacceptable to say to a stranger. i think you need a therapist, even if they do think you're catastrophising, because like. shit dude. this is abso-fucking-lutely not okay!

now go. prepare and enjoy.

[pcipharmacy]

How Can I Find Weight Loss Medication Near Me?

Struggling to achieve your weight loss goals can be frustrating, but finding the right support can make all the difference. If you're asking, "How can I find weight loss medication near me?" you're taking a proactive step toward better health. Weight loss medications, when combined with proper diet and exercise, can help individuals achieve significant and lasting results, especially for those dealing with obesity or related health concerns.

Understanding Weight Loss Medications

Weight loss medications are specifically designed to aid in managing weight by addressing factors like appetite control, metabolism, or fat absorption. These medications are typically prescribed for individuals with a body mass index (BMI) above a certain threshold or those with weight-related health issues like diabetes, hypertension, or sleep apnea. They are not a quick fix but rather a tool to assist in making sustainable lifestyle changes.

Where to Start Your Search

To find weight loss medication near me, start by consulting your primary healthcare provider. They can assess your medical history, current health conditions, and weight loss goals to determine if medication is the right choice for you. Once a prescription is recommended, they can direct you to local pharmacies or specialized weight loss clinics. For more info Click here

Another option is to explore online resources. Many licensed telemedicine platforms connect you with healthcare professionals who can evaluate your needs remotely and prescribe medications, often delivering them directly to your home. Always ensure the platform is certified and reputable to guarantee safe and effective treatment.

What to Look for in a Provider

When searching for weight loss medication, it’s essential to work with a provider that offers personalized care. Not all medications are suitable for everyone, so your provider should consider factors like your health history, current medications, and long-term goals before making a recommendation.

Specialized weight loss clinics can be an excellent resource, as they often provide a comprehensive approach, combining medication with nutritional counseling, exercise plans, and ongoing support. These clinics typically have a team of professionals, including dietitians and fitness experts, to guide you on your journey.

Ensuring Safety and Effectiveness

Safety should be your top priority when considering weight loss medications. Only use medications that have been approved by regulatory bodies like the FDA, and always follow your healthcare provider’s instructions. Never purchase weight loss medications from unverified sources, as these can pose serious health risks.

Benefits of Finding the Right Weight Loss Medication

Finding the right medication can jumpstart your weight loss journey, helping you overcome challenges like stubborn fat or constant hunger. When combined with a balanced diet and regular exercise, weight loss medications can improve overall health, boost energy levels, and reduce the risk of chronic diseases associated with obesity.

Conclusion

Taking the first step toward better health by finding weight loss medication near me is a decision that can transform your life. Whether through your doctor, a local clinic, or a telemedicine service, ensure you’re working with trusted professionals who prioritize your safety and long-term success. Start your journey today and discover a healthier, more confident version of yourself.

[bobbygarrett011]

The Benefits of Choosing a Professional Local Dryer Vent Cleaner

Many people overlook the importance of regular dryer vent cleaning when it comes to maintaining a safe and efficient home. Dryer vents play a crucial role in directing hot, moist air from your dryer to the outside of your home.

Over time, lint, dust, and other debris can accumulate in the vents, reducing efficiency and creating a serious fire hazard. That's why finding a reliable dryer vent cleaner near you is essential for every homeowner.

In this blog, we'll discuss the benefits of hiring a local dryer vent cleaner and why this should be part of your regular home maintenance routine.

Top Reasons to Hire a Local Dryer Vent Cleaner

Hiring a professional local dryer vent cleaner offers numerous benefits, including fire prevention, improved dryer efficiency, and convenience. Local experts provide personalized service and quick response times, ensuring your dryer operates safely and efficiently.

Fire Prevention

One of the primary reasons to have your dryer vents regularly cleaned is to prevent fires. Lint and debris buildup in your dryer vent can easily ignite, especially when the dryer heats up during operation. By hiring a professional dryer vent cleaner near you, you can significantly reduce this fire risk.

A local professional can quickly respond to any urgent cleaning needs and ensure your dryer is safe to use. Preventative cleaning is essential for peace of mind and safety, as it removes flammable lint before it becomes a hazard.

2. Improved Dryer Efficiency

A clogged dryer vent forces your dryer to work harder to expel air, which can lead to longer drying times and increased energy usage. If your clothes are taking more than one cycle to dry, this could be a sign that your dryer vent is blocked.

By hiring a professional dryer vent cleaner near you, you can improve the efficiency of your dryer. Clean vents allow air to flow freely, helping your dryer work as it should.

This means shorter drying times and lower energy bills. In the long run, this can even extend the life of your appliance by preventing the wear and tear caused by overworking.

3. Convenience and Accessibility

Choosing a local dryer vent cleaner comes with the advantage of convenience. A local service provider can quickly respond to your needs, offer flexible scheduling, and provide faster service than a national chain.

If you search for a "dryer vent cleaner near me," you’re likely to find professionals in your area who can offer same-day or next-day appointments.

Additionally, local businesses often rely on word-of-mouth and repeat customers, meaning they’re more likely to offer personalized service and a high level of care. This level of accessibility and customer service is invaluable when it comes to maintaining your home.

4. Supporting Local Businesses

Hiring a local dryer vent cleaner supports small businesses in your community. Local service providers often take more pride in their work because they’re serving neighbors and friends. When you hire local, you’re helping to keep money in your community and support local employment.

In many cases, local companies will go above and beyond to provide excellent customer service. They know that maintaining a good reputation within the community is essential to their business, which benefits you with high-quality service.

Conclusion

Choosing a local dryer vent cleaner near you offers numerous benefits, from preventing fires to improving dryer efficiency and supporting your local community.

Regular dryer vent cleaning is an important part of home maintenance that can save you money, enhance safety, and improve air quality. Take the time to find a trusted local professional who can ensure your dryer vent is clean and working properly. It’s an investment that pays off in the long run.

Enjoy fresher, cleaner air with Clean Quality Air! Book your air duct or dryer vent cleaning today and feel the difference in your home’s air quality.

[suicideclean475]

Suicide Cleanup Near Me

Suicide Cleanup Near Me: Understanding the Importance and Benefits

When tragedy strikes, the emotional toll can be overwhelming, especially when it involves the loss of life by suicide. In the aftermath of such a heartbreaking event, the need for professional cleanup services becomes crucial. The phrase “suicide cleanup near me” often surfaces during these trying times, as families and property owners seek specialized assistance to restore their spaces. This article explores the importance of suicide cleanup, why you might need it, and how it benefits those affected by such tragic incidents.

https://aaascenecleaners.com/suicide-cleanups-near-me/

Understanding Suicide Cleanup

Suicide cleanup refers to the specialized process of cleaning, sanitizing, and restoring a space where a suicide has occurred. This cleanup goes beyond mere cleaning; it involves addressing biohazardous materials, such as blood and bodily fluids, that pose health risks if not properly handled.

The process is delicate and requires a trained team equipped with the right tools, techniques, and protective gear to ensure thorough decontamination. Beyond the physical aspects of cleanup, professional services also provide emotional support to families in distress, allowing them to focus on healing while experts handle the restoration.

The Importance of Professional Suicide Cleanup

1. Health and Safety Concerns

One of the primary reasons to seek suicide cleanup services is health and safety. Blood and bodily fluids can harbor harmful pathogens, including viruses and bacteria that pose serious health risks. Cleaning these materials without proper training can lead to exposure to infectious diseases.

Professional cleanup teams understand the necessary protocols for handling biohazards and have the equipment required to mitigate these risks. By employing professionals, you ensure that the affected area is not only cleaned but also sanitized, making it safe for future use.

2. Emotional Considerations

Experiencing a suicide in your home or business can be devastating. The emotional weight of such an event is often unbearable, and the last thing anyone wants to think about is the logistics of cleanup.

Professional suicide cleanup teams are sensitive to the emotions of those affected. They approach the situation with compassion and understanding, allowing grieving individuals to process their loss without the added stress of managing cleanup. This emotional support can be invaluable during a time of profound grief.

3. Restoring Spaces

After a suicide, many people may feel uncomfortable returning to the affected space. The memories and trauma associated with such events can linger, making it difficult to move forward.

Engaging a professional cleanup service allows you to restore the space to a safe and habitable condition. This process not only involves physical cleaning but also the emotional aspect of reclaiming a place that may have become a source of pain.

Professionals often go beyond simple cleaning by offering restorative services, which can include repainting, carpeting, and other repairs that help to rejuvenate the space. This transformation can be a crucial step in the healing process for those affected.

4. Legal and Insurance Considerations

Navigating the aftermath of a suicide can involve legal and insurance complexities. Many property owners may not be aware of the legal requirements for handling such situations, including potential liability issues.

By hiring a professional cleanup service, you can ensure compliance with local laws and regulations regarding biohazard cleanup. Additionally, these professionals are often well-versed in insurance claims processes and can assist you in documenting the cleanup for insurance purposes, alleviating some of the burdens during an already difficult time.

5. Timeliness and Efficiency

In the wake of a suicide, time is of the essence. The longer an area remains contaminated, the greater the potential for lingering odors, structural damage, and emotional distress.

Professional suicide cleanup services prioritize timely response and efficiency. They are trained to quickly assess the situation, implement cleanup protocols, and restore the area promptly. This speed not only minimizes the risk of further damage but also helps those affected begin the healing process sooner.

Why You’d Want Suicide Cleanup Near Me

1. Proximity and Convenience

Searching for “suicide cleanup near me” is often the first step for families and property owners. Finding a local service means faster response times, which is crucial in emergency situations. Local services are familiar with the area and can navigate potential logistical challenges efficiently, ensuring that help arrives quickly.

2. Community Support

Choosing a local service means working with professionals who are part of your community. They understand the unique challenges and sensitivities associated with such situations in your area. This local knowledge can provide an added layer of comfort, knowing that you’re working with people who care about the community and its well-being.

3. Tailored Services

Local cleanup services are often more adaptable to the needs of their clients. They can provide personalized attention and tailor their services to meet your specific requirements. Whether it’s a residential or commercial space, local professionals can offer solutions that are best suited for your circumstances.

The Emotional Healing Process

It’s essential to recognize that the journey of healing after a suicide is complex and multifaceted. While professional cleanup is a significant step, it is just one part of a longer process.

The restoration of physical spaces can symbolize a fresh start, but emotional healing requires ongoing support, whether through therapy, support groups, or community resources. Professional cleanup services can often connect families with local resources, providing further avenues for healing.

Conclusion

In times of tragedy, seeking “suicide cleanup near me” is an important step toward recovery. Professional cleanup services offer essential support, addressing the health risks associated with biohazards, providing emotional care, and restoring spaces to a safe and welcoming condition.

Understanding the importance of these services not only highlights their necessity in the wake of a traumatic event but also emphasizes the compassion and care that professionals bring to the process. By choosing to engage these services, individuals and families can take a crucial step towards healing, allowing them to reclaim their spaces and begin the journey of recovery after a heartbreaking loss.

[saan1984]

With severe alcohol use disorder, the hands may tremble, and the voice may take on a huskier tone. Long-term abuse of alcohol can lead to chronic diarrhea and even vomiting blood. The experts I spoke with agreed that sampling block by block would run the risk of pinpointing certain households; most seem comfortable with a catchment size in at least the thousands. This question ought to be clarified before a city or company https://ecosoberhouse.com/ collects data so specific that it violates people’s privacy or is used to prosecute someone, Lance Gable, a public-health-law professor at Wayne State University, told me. Another problem with a short half-life is that you can develop drug dependence (also known as addiction). This is because your body “needs” the drug frequently to achieve the desired effect, and can cause withdrawal symptoms if it doesn’t get it. PRE-EXPOSURE PROPHYLAXIS FOR HIV IV is commonly used to provide nourishment to people who cannot orally ingest food or water. It is also used to administer blood or electrolytes to stabilize imbalances. The signs of hallucinogen use vary depending on the specific hallucinogen in question. Why IV Drug Use Produces Infection The pump delivers the infusion into the person’s bloodstream in a steady and controlled manner. Infections near injection sites can become severe and cause necrotizing fasciitis, also known as a “flesh-eating disease,” or cellulitis. Tell your healthcare provider if you have changes in vision during treatment with Zepbound. Stop using Zepbound and call your healthcare provider right away if you have severe pain in your stomach area (abdomen) that will not go away, with or without vomiting. What happens to the brain when a person takes drugs? Although smoking has declined in recent years, it is estimated that 28.3 million Americans still smoke cigarettes despite the well-publicized harmful effects. Genes, other mental health conditions, developmental factors, and environmental influences all play a role. Brain imaging studies of people with addiction show physical changes in areas iv drug use of the brain that are critical to judgment, decision-making, learning and memory, and behavior control.12 These changes help explain the compulsive nature of addiction. There are no studies that support the claims of benefits from IV vitamin therapy. Most studies look at the effects on people in medical facilities with serious conditions. The same study revealed the readmission rate within one year for the combined diagnoses (DVT or PE) was 5.3% for primary and 14.3% for secondary diagnoses [143]. Lower was interested in advancing science but also believed the man could be helped, either by the infusion of fresh blood or by the removal of old blood. Like a tunneled catheter, an implanted port inserts a catheter into a vein in your neck or chest. They may replace the plunger with a bulb, like those from an eyedropper or baby pacifier. How to Identify Substance Misuse What environmental factors increase the risk of addiction? American Addiction Centers (AAC) is committed to delivering original, truthful, accurate, unbiased, and medically current information. The catheter allows your healthcare professional to give you multiple safe doses of medication without needing to poke you with a needle each time. Intravenous drug users can be challenging patients to manage on medical wards, with aggressive behaviour, illicit drug use while in hospital and early self-discharge commonly encountered. An antitoxin is needed to stop the negative effects of the toxin in your body to treat wound botulism. Empirical treatment for lung abscesses should cover S aureus, Gram-negative bacteria and anaerobes. You may also discover pill bottles, balloons, or baggies that contained the drug. Research has shown the number of Americans who reported using heroin in the last year has been increasing each year since 2007. Friends and family members may choose to stage an intervention once signs of drug use are apparent; if so, a professional interventionist can gu...

[tb-gerschutz]

Chapter Eleven

Word Count: 4,220

Trigger Warning(s): cursing, graphic depictions of violence, threats to m*rder, etc.

Summary: It's all fun and games until a couple terrorists ruin the party for Rocky and Whiskey...

******

“Sugar, sugar!” Whiskey’s voice rang out softly. “Wake up. Wake up! Goddamnit, Rocky. Please wake up!”

I stirred awake suddenly, my vision blurred momentarily. I simply had no idea what was going on around me, nor did I know the severity of such. As soon as I looked at Whiskey, however, a load of mixed feelings stirred throughout me. Anger because Whiskey had interrupted my beauty sleep in the middle of the night, and tired because of obvious reasons. It’s been a long time since I had to wake up in the middle of the night, so being tired was perfectly justified. 

“What the hell, Whiskey?” I asked groggily. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Balor,” he said, his hushed voice slightly rising with panic. “He and his men are here. They’re in Denver.”

My eyes widened as I quickly sat up along the edge of the bed. “Are you serious?” I asked. “Are they at the lodge now?”

“Luckily, no, but we gotta prepare,” Whiskey answered. “I’m almost certain that they’ll be here combing the place in no time.”

“So we gotta get prepared to fight back?” I asked incredulously. “Whiskey, I’m sure the general public here wouldn’t be too happy if this place erupted in gunfire.”

“But which would they rather have?” Whiskey asked. “Being unhappy that there’s gunfire or getting caught in the crossfire? I don’t wanna take that risk.”

He paused for a moment as his twinkling brown eyes stared mournfully into space. “Not again,” he said sadly. 

Gently, I placed my hand on his shoulder to comfort him. I didn’t know what to say, but I luckily knew what to do…just stand there and comfort Whiskey. I mean, that’s the best thing I could do, right? I can be there to comfort him and be the supportive girlfriend that he’s always wished for. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Whiskey,” I said gently. “We’re gonna get through this.”

“I know we are,” Whiskey said. “That’s why we gotta prepare to kick Balor’s ass right now.”

I gave him an evil grin. “I like your thinkin’.”

We didn’t have much else to prepare, except make sure that we had all the weapons we could possibly need. Even our primary weapons that we used had backups. Whiskey and I wanted to stay extra prepared just in case this fight with Balor got out of hand. If we could kick his ass to the curb harder than before, then I’m all for it. Balor deserves the ass-whipping he’s been getting—and is about to get. And I’m all for whooping his ass for free.

And I’m sure Whiskey is all for it too. 

As soon as we were ready, Whiskey and I made our way down to the front desk to let them know what was going on. 

“You got your badge?” Whiskey asked. “They’ll probably ask for it.”

I showed him my badge located on the right side of my belt. “Right here, Whiskey,” I answered. 

“Good girl,” he said in a low tone as we continued to walk along.

We finally arrived at the front desk, where we had a sense of urgency. The urgency to let the lodge employees know what is going on. That way, we can successfully protect all those who are innocent and just peacefully staying here at the lodge. 

“Hi, there,” I said to the front desk worker. That’s when Whiskey and I leaned against the desk and flashed our badges. “I’m Agent Blackjack,” I continued on, “and this is Agent Whiskey. We work for the United States Department of Homeland Security.”

That poor desk worker thought she was in trouble, judging by her wide eyes. “Am—am I in trouble, agents?” she asked in such a frightened tone. 

“No, no. Of course not,” Whiskey reassured. “We just wanted to let you know of an impending situation.”

“Okay,” the lodge worker said skeptically. “What’s going on?”

I glanced at Whiskey briefly before continuing. “There’s a band of evil terrorists on their way here to hunt us. God knows what they want with us, but we know that they want my partner and I badly.”

“And we’d appreciate it if you could help us out because we don’t want anyone here getting hurt or killed over the likely gunfight that might erupt,” Whiskey added.

“Of course,” the worker said. “I’m more than happy to help. What is it that you need me to do?”

Whiskey and I shared a glance briefly before continuing on. “These terrorists are probably gonna come up here, demanding answers from you. The ringleader of that group is who we’re most concerned with. He’s the most dangerous motherfucker you’ll ever meet,” Whiskey said. 

“All you gotta do is keep a cool head and distract them long enough, so my partner and I can lock this place down,” I added on. 

“Would telling them that I last saw you two on the slopes help?” the worker asked. 

I shrugged. “Yes! That would be perfect!”

“That gives us enough time to lock this place down and make sure everyone is safe,” Whiskey added. 

“Might I ask why you’re not evacuating everyone out of here?” the worker asked. 

Whiskey and I once again shared a side-eyed glance. “Because if we and these criminals erupt into a gunfight, which is most likely, we don't want anyone to get caught in the crossfire. It’s better if they just stay locked in their lodges and all that,” Whiskey added. 

“Gotcha,” the worker said. “After those criminals get out to the slopes, I can send out a text alert to all the residents to go into a hard lockdown. You know, lock all doors and windows, close the curtains to said windows, and don’t come out until told to do so.”

“That would be perfect,” I said. “So to debrief the plan…Our partner and I are going back to our suite to hide out. Then, you’ll give us a call to our suite once these terrorists are out on the slopes trying to look for us. That’s when we’ll come down and hide because the ringleader will probably be pissed that he couldn’t find us there.”

“If he points a gun at your head, keep a cool head. Don’t freak out,” Whiskey said. “That’s when we’ll surround him and his band of hooligans. Once they’re distracted enough, then you go hide and get to safety. Any questions?”

The worker shook her head side to side. “Nope.”

“Good,” I said. “We greatly appreciate your help.”

“Of course, agents,” the worker said kindly. “I’m more than willing to help.”

At that moment, our plan was enacted. Whiskey and I marched back to our suite to hide out until Balor and his goons were distracted by aimlessly looking for us. Our priority was to keep this confrontation contained and keep as many people as we could safe. The more unharmed civilians, the better. 

As we remained in our suite, I paced back and forth, anxiously waiting for that call. That call that would ultimately propel Whiskey and I into action. Meanwhile, Whiskey—as cool as a cucumber—sat on the edge of the bed, also awaiting the call. He was much better at hiding his anxiety than I was. Then again, I had no idea if he was holding any anxious sentiments. But even if he was, he was damn good at not letting them fizzle to the surface. 

“Come on,” I said in a relatively low tone. “Give us the call already.”

Whiskey sighed. “Calm down, Rocky. Balor may not even be distracted yet.”

“Well, it’s taking too damn long,” I said, the anxiety rising as a lump in my throat. “Waiting this long makes me nervous as hell.”

God bless Whiskey for his efforts in attempting to keep me calm. “Relax, baby. The ball will get rolling soon. Trust me. It’s gonna be fine.”

Momentarily, I stopped, listening to the repetitious cycle of my heavy breathing. I tried as hard as I could to control it and bring it back to normal, but it was no use. I still breathed heavily as the stakeout went on. 

“But what if it ain’t?” I asked anxiously. “What if everything just pulls a one-eighty and goes to shit for us?”

Whiskey stood up and marched over to me because apparently, passively trying to calm me down wasn’t working. He had to resort to a new plan. “Rocky–” he started. 

“What now, Whiskey?” I asked. “There’s nothing that you could do to calm me down. There isn’t. You can go ahead and try your luck, but there isn’t anything that could—”

Evidently, Whiskey had enough and grasped me firmly by the sides of my arms, forcefully pulling me in and kissing me hard. Hard enough to get me to snap out of my daze and come back to my senses. In order to further push this feeling of comfort and security, he moved his hand to the side of my neck, running his thumb up to my jawline and back down repeatedly. Whatever he did must’ve worked because I was significantly calmer than before after we parted. 

“How about that?” he asked with a smirkish grin painted across his face. 

The corners of my mouth hooked upward into a subtle smile. “Yeah. I guess.”

A light chuckle trickled off Whiskey’s lips as his eyes glanced up and down from my lips back to my twinkling brown eyes. It was like he was trying to make me go crazy for him, but in reality, he was probably wondering what he did to become so lucky. So lucky to have me in his life. 

“How long do you think it’ll be?” I asked, breaking the silence between us. 

“Hard telling,” he answered, inhaling sharply. “Balor’s unpredictable. We can never accurately predict what he’ll do next. All because he wants to do everything in his power to catch us off-guard.”

I shrugged. “And it hasn’t worked yet.”

Whiskey returned the favor with a nod. “Exactly.”

“So we just have to prepare for anything,” I added. “We have to wait for that call to come in at any point in time.”

“Yep,” he said simply, nodding his head up and down slowly. 

Just then, Whiskey’s phone started to ring. When he looked at the caller identification, he saw that it was an unknown number. 

“Speakin’ of the devil,” he said as he picked up the phone. “Yeah.”

He was on the call for quite some time, which caused me to stand in front of him firmly with my arms folded across my chest.

“Mm hmm…Yep. We’re on it,” Whiskey said, hanging up the call and turning to me. “We’re movin’ out.”

Understanding what Whiskey simply said, I started gearing up as quickly as I could, being especially careful that I don’t accidentally fire off any of my weapons and cause any damage. While I was tightening my tactical bulletproof vest, Whiskey decided that it was best if he put one on as well. But he also seemed to notice a gun holster that I had around my leg. 

“That’s somethin’ new,” he said. 

I was confused at first. “What is?”

“That gun holster,” he answered, pointing to my leg. “On your leg there.”

“Oh,” I said. “Yeah. This is something new. Haven’t been able to use it ‘til now.”

He looked at the holster again, but this time, he was admiring it more. “I like it. It looks good on you. And so does that bulletproof vest.”

“Really?” I asked. 

“Yeah. Black looks real sexy on ya, sugar,” he answered. “Never forget that.”

I smiled slightly. “Thanks, babe.”

After we finally fastened our bulletproof vests on, Whiskey and I made our way down to the main floor, where we would find a hiding spot. A hiding spot that will conceal our presences and allow us to surprise Balor and his goons. Hopefully, we could catch them off-guard and gain an advantage in this war. 

“You go over there behind that wall over there,” Whiskey said, pointing to a wall near the fireplace and front desk. “I’m hiding in a place on the lower level.”

“Why there?” I asked. 

Whiskey checked his guns to make sure they were easily accessible. “Knowing Balor, he might want his goons to break through the lower level to try and get a jump on us. Balor will probably enter through the front entrance, and he’ll probably be more pissed than a rattlesnake getting messed with.”

“So Balor’s trying to stay two steps ahead of us, but actually, we’re staying three steps ahead of him,” I concluded. 

He nodded. “Exactly. That’s why I’m hiding out in the lower level, so I could subdue his goons. Meanwhile, you’ll subdue Balor once he starts pointin’ a gun at the poor lodge worker’s head.”

“That’s the plan,” I said. 

As Whiskey disappeared to the lower level of the lodge lobby, I hid behind the wall near the giant fireplace and front desk. I had to make sure I stayed extra quiet, or else Whiskey and I’s plan could go to shit rather quickly. I felt like I was waiting forever, but just when I thought about going against the original plan, I could hear the front door to the lodge fling open with such a hate-filled rage.

Almost immediately, I could tell it was Balor. 

“You lied to me!” he screamed at the lodge worker. 

I prayed to God that she’d keep a cool head. Otherwise, the plan goes to shit. That means that Whiskey and I won’t be able to stay three steps ahead of Balor. 

“What do you mean by that?” the lodge worker asked. Thank God, I thought. She’s keeping a level head. 

“Those two aren’t on the slopes,” Balor said in an angered tone. “Me and my boys looked everywhere, and they weren't there.”

A quiet, hot breath escaped out of my mouth quietly, as I continued to pray that everything would go according to plan.

“Well, people move from place to place,” the lodge worker said, “and judging by the looks of them, they seem like pretty active people.”

“Then, they must’ve passed back through here, where you could’ve seen them,” Balor sneered. “Where are they?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the lodge worker shrug her shoulders. “I haven’t seen them within the past half-hour. Either they could still be out there, or they could be somewhere else. I don’t know what to tell ya. I haven’t seen them lately.”

Again, from the corner of my eye, I could barely see Balor, who was doing what I expected him to do. He pulled out one of his handguns from the waistband in his tuxedo and pointed it at the worker’s head. Thank God she didn’t break down that easily. In fact, the gun pointed to her head didn’t even phase her. 

“Well, bitch, you better start talking,” he snarled angrily. 

“I already told you what I knew,” the lodge worker responded. “Isn’t that enough for you, jackass?”

I almost started laughing when she called Balor a jackass. It’s absolutely hilarious to see Balor getting insulted, even when I do it. He absolutely deserves it. But I knew that at this point, I couldn’t make a sound until it was the right time. I had to wait until Balor said something specific or something along the lines of such. 

“What did you just call me?” he asked, snarling so angrily that I thought he’d explode. 

“A jackass,” the lodge worker said as if Balor was stupid. “Why? What are you gonna do about it?”

Apparently, Balor wasn’t pleased that this lodge worker wasn’t phased by his aggression. He thought that just by his power, he’d make everyone bow down and surrender to him. That’s why he’s so pissed with me and Whiskey. We’re standing up to him and trying to stop him from completing his evil goals, which downsizes his power by a long shot. 

Now, this lodge worker is doing the same thing. Not backing down. 

“Listen, you little bitch,” Balor shouted, still holding the gun to the worker’s head. “I’m gonna blow a bullet through your head if you don’t start talking!”

Yep. That was it. The moment I’d pop out from behind the wall. When I did, I had my gun drawn, pointing it at Balor’s head. 

“Drop the gun now, motherfucker!” I shouted. 

Balor turned his attention away from the lodge worker and toward me, still keeping the gun close to him. I still kept my stone, bitch face on as I held the gun toward the direction of Balor’s head. 

“Drop it,” I commanded sternly. “Now.”

A wide, evil grin spread across his face, as if I was just about to experience my downfall. “Oh, Agent Blackjack,” he sneered. “So gullible, so naive…I can’t believe that you’re still fighting back after all this time.”

“Well, I’m too stubborn to surrender,” I said back, still keeping my gun drawn. 

“Oh, I know,” he responded. “I am shocked that you managed to anticipate my arrival. You seemed like you were one step ahead. But you failed in your attempt to subdue me once again. I came prepared and brought along two of my followers with me to take you and your partner down.”

I grinned subtly. “Oh, we know.”

“We?” Balor asked. 

At that moment, Balor’s goons shamefully walked up the stairs that led to the lobby’s lower level, with guns pointing toward the back of their heads. And who was the person to hold guns to the backs of their heads? Whiskey!

“Yes, we,” Whiskey commented snarkily. “Don’t tell me that you forgot that there were two of us going against you.”

Instead of displaying a shocked look like I thought he would, Balor let out a spine-chilling laugh that reaffirmed my thoughts of him…

Cold, dark, ruthless…the most abundantly evil anyone can be. 

And I mean that when I say it. In all of my twenty-three years of living, I’ve never—never—had to fight someone as downright evil and ruthless as Balor Devlin. He is, by far, the most evil out of all of them. 

I mean, he is the reincarnation of the Devil himself. If anything, he’s way more evil than the Devil by a long shot. Balor embodies such a cruelty that not even the faint of heart can stomach, and it’s disgusting to know that he’s so far gone. Gone from changing, gone from the goodness of this world…

…It’s disheartening for someone like me. 

Disheartening because you want to be able to achieve everlasting peace. Peace that evolves only into more peace. But deep down, you know that there’s no way in hell you’ll achieve that bullshit kind of dream. There’s always going to be something going on. There’s always gonna be some jackass who’ll stand in your way and not move out of it willingly, and because you messed with their plan and all that, they’re gonna cause more anarchy than before. 

They just make the problem much worse than it needed to be. 

And it’s disgusting, for someone like me, to know that the anarchy is never going to end. It’s like—all the fight I had in me seemed to go to waste. I bust my ass to make sure that the world doesn’t descend into a heaping pile of ash and flames, and now…it all went to waste. All my fight, all my protest—it all went to waste. 

It’s like it wasn’t even worth fighting at all. 

Still, I remain hopeful that this fight will end once and for all. I don’t want someone as cruel as Balor to win, especially considering that it would mean doom for not only myself and Whiskey, but for the rest of the world as well. There’s all this pressure on me—and Whiskey, for that matter—to save the world from the most dangerous monster known to man. 

They expect us to win so handily, but it’s not that easy. 

Balor Devlin, who isn’t even considered a man anymore, is the most dangerous monster anyone ever knows, and everyone expects Whiskey and I to defeat him easily? That’s not how that works! Despite being so despicably evil, Balor is extremely intelligent in the sense that he knows how to outsmart me and Whiskey. He knows how to make a good attempt at staying one step ahead of us. So no! It’s not that easy to take Balor down with one swift stroke. 

We have to chop him down little by little. 

“Oh, trust me, agents. I haven’t forgotten about you two,” Balor sneered. “How could I forget the two people who won’t stay out of my way?”

“We had no choice,” Whiskey added. “We stay out of your way, and then you go and kill a bunch of innocent people.”

“And quite frankly,” I added, “we ain’t gonna let that fly. Not by a long shot.”

A smug smile emerged across Balor’s face as he continued to ignore the fact that I had a gun pointed at his head. It’s like he doesn’t care that he could die at any given moment. I don’t know for sure, mainly because his head is more clusterfucked than anything ever imagined. I can never tell what dark, clouded thoughts he’s thinking because it’s all over the place. And quite frankly, I don’t want to get involved with that on top of everything else I have to balance out. 

“How cute. You think you’re gonna stop me,” Balor teased. “Well, I have news for you, agents. You’re not going to stop me. Ever! I’m not stopping until I kill every single person on this goddamn planet.”

He pointed his gun at the lodge worker’s head once again. “Starting with this bitch right here!”

“What did I tell ya about the gun?” I shouted. “Dop it now, motherfucker!”

“Or else what?” Balor asked in a teasing manner.

Balor was slowly moving his finger toward the trigger, getting closer and closer to pulling it. That’s when I knew that things were going to shit. 

Luckily, before the bullet could hit the lodge worker, she ducked behind the desk as quick as a flash. As soon as Balor fired off the bullet, I used my gun and shot him in the upper thigh. Right away, he went down in a heap, grabbing at the upper thigh where he was shot. His loud screams were mixed with anger and agony, but they didn’t phase me. I still kept my gun held up to him just in case he tried to attack us again. 

“Fucking bitch!” he screamed as he continued to writhe in pain. 

I shrugged, as I looked up to Whiskey, who—impressingly enough—still kept Balor’s goons at gunpoint. I wasn’t sure if they were scared to death or if they were smart enough to know that if they tried to fight, they’d get their brains blown out. But I wasn’t concentrating on that. Instead, I was more focused on the incapacitated Balor. 

“You’re a fucking bitch!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. 

I shrugged. “You think so? Well, thank you very much. I consider that a compliment.” I took my glance off Balor for a hot minute to look at Whiskey, who seemed to catch my idea. “Shall we leave these boys here to fend for themselves?”

Whiskey ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth as he thought of a solution. “I think we should. But—shouldn’t we make it more difficult for them to escape? Can’t let them have it too easy now.”

“We certainly can’t,” I said, glancing back at Balor. “And if you, sir, move even an inch, then I won’t hesitate to make your life a living hell.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” Balor asked, slowly rising to his feet. 

At that point, I was so beyond pissed that he didn’t stay down, and I pretty much lost my cool. And how did I lose my cool? I ended up hitting Balor on the head with the butt of my gun, knocking him unconscious. Poor Whiskey, who saw that clear as day, was completely shocked. His eyes were wide, and his skin turned as white as a ghost. 

“Christ, Rocky!” he exclaimed. “You dropped him.”

“I know,” I said proudly, “but we don’t have long. Tie those mothafuckers up quickly now.”

Whiskey finished tying up the first goon before starting on the second. “How much time we got?”

“Not long,” I confirmed. “He’ll definitely be out cold for at least a hot minute. But, given that his anger is basically his adrenaline right now, he could pop up at any minute.”

“How can you tell?” he questioned, finishing tying the second goon up. 

I glanced at Whiskey, with one of my eyebrows arching upward. “Whiskey, I’ve been tracking Balor and his antics for a couple years now. He ain’t gonna go down this easily.”

“So shall we run before he wakes up?” Whiskey suggested. 

I grinned a smirkish yet mischievous smile. “We shall!”

Almost hand-in-hand, Whiskey and I scurried out of the lodge before Balor could even wake up. Sure, it might take a couple minutes for him to come to his senses, but it also gave Whiskey and I plenty of time to flee to a new hiding spot. It’s hard telling how much time we have, which is why we have to scurry out of here quickly. 

And at this point, even just a little bit of time is perfect in this fight against Balor. 

[sunaleisocial]

A biomedical engineer pivots from human movement to women’s health

New Post has been published on https://sunalei.org/news/a-biomedical-engineer-pivots-from-human-movement-to-womens-health/

A biomedical engineer pivots from human movement to women’s health

Watching her uncle play a video game when she was a small child started Shaniel Bowen on her path to becoming a biomedical engineer. The game, “Metal Gear Solid 2,” introduced her to exoskeletons, wearable devices that enhance physical abilities.

“The game piqued my interest when it started showing and discussing exoskeletons,” Bowen says. “I went to the library soon after to learn more about it. That was when I first learned about biomedical engineering and became interested in pursuing it as a profession.”

Fast-forward to her senior year at the University of Connecticut. Bowen and an interdisciplinary team of biomedical, electrical, and computer engineers developed a device using musculoskeletal modeling and computer-aided design that could help people with leg weakness to stand. The system provided just enough assistance that the person would still use their own muscles, strengthening them with repeated use. Bowen was on her way to creating her own exoskeleton.

That changed, however, when she was starting graduate school and was diagnosed with ovarian torsion caused by a large ovarian teratoma.

Not only was she dealing with a serious medical condition, but as a Black woman raised by Jamaican immigrants, she was personally confronted with inequities in health care that result in discrepancies in treatment.

“Like many Black, Indigenous, and people of color (BIPOC) women, I was initially apprehensive and discouraged from seeking medical care for a long time, which led me to trivialize my symptoms,” Bowen says. “A serious gynecological condition that required surgery was almost left untreated.”

After her surgery, Bowen pivoted from her work in human movement and biodynamics to biomedical engineering focused on women’s health.

“I became interested in applying my engineering expertise to women’s health issues in order to gain a better understanding of various pathologies from a biomechanics perspective and to bring awareness not only to individuals in my field but also to women who suffer from or may be at risk for these conditions,” she says.

During her doctoral program, Bowen studied the effects of age and pelvic reconstructive surgery on female pelvic anatomy and function using computational modeling. She received a Ford Foundation Fellowship from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine to study the biomechanical processes involved in pelvic organ prolapse (POP), a common condition that can cause extreme discomfort, sexual dysfunction, and incontinence. POP can be surgically corrected, but the repair often fails within five years, and it is unclear exactly why. Bowen’s research set out to develop a tool to better assess the biomechanics of such failures and to prevent them.

“It is hoped that our findings, based on postoperative imaging and clinical data, will encourage longitudinal trials and studies that incorporate both clinical and engineering approaches to better understand POP surgeries and pelvic floor function and dysfunction following pelvic reconstructive procedures,” she says.

After earning her PhD at the University of Pittsburgh, Bowen received multiple offers to do postdoctoral research. She chose the MIT School of Engineering’s Postdoctoral Fellowship Program for Engineering Excellence and started work in the Edelman Lab in September 2023.

“The program and my principal investigators were the most supportive of me exploring my research interests in women’s sexual anatomy and health,” she says, “and learning experimental methods from the ground up, given that my primary experience is computational.”

Elazer Edelman, the Edward J. Poitras Professor in Medical Engineering and Science, director of MIT’s Institute for Medical Engineering and Science, professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, and senior attending physician in the coronary care unit at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, speaks admiringly of Bowen and her research.

“I love working with and learning from Shaniel — she is an inspiration and creative spirit who is treading in new spaces and has the potential to add to what we know of health and physiology and change our practice of medicine,” says Edelman.

The Edelman Lab was “one of the few,” Bowen says she found “with a longstanding commitment to public outreach,” which has been a consistent endeavor throughout her academic career.

For nearly 10 years, Bowen has volunteered in mentoring and STEM outreach programs for students of all ages — including at her old high school, at the universities she has attended, and in underserved communities. Currently, Bowen devotes a portion of her time to outreach, health promotion, and education, primarily focusing on women’s health issues.

“My research collaborators and I have worked toward removing the stigma and misconceptions around women’s anatomy and health,” she says, explaining that helping young women from underserved communities to be more comfortable with and better informed about women’s anatomy and health is “integral to health equity and inclusion.” Such work also encourages young women to consider careers in STEM and women’s health, she says.

“It is imperative that women of diverse experiences and perspectives get involved in STEM to develop the next generation of scientists and advocates to improve the treatment of health conditions for all women.”

Part of Bowen’s postdoctoral research involves complementing her computational abilities by acquiring and improving her skills in biochemistry and cell biology, and tissue mechanics and engineering. Her current work on how clitoral anatomy relates to sexual function, especially after gynecological surgery, explores a topic that has seen little research, Bowen says, adding that her work could improve postoperative sexual function outcomes.

The MIT Postdoctoral Fellowship Program for Engineering Excellence — which, while emphasizing research, also provides resources and helps fellows to build a professional network — has provided an excellent system of support, Bowen says.

“It has really helped me learn and explore different career paths while having a great support system of fellows and staff that have provided continued motivation and life advice throughout the ups and downs of navigating through my postdoctoral training and job search,” she says.

[jcmarchi]

A biomedical engineer pivots from human movement to women’s health

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/a-biomedical-engineer-pivots-from-human-movement-to-womens-health/

A biomedical engineer pivots from human movement to women’s health

Watching her uncle play a video game when she was a small child started Shaniel Bowen on her path to becoming a biomedical engineer. The game, “Metal Gear Solid 2,” introduced her to exoskeletons, wearable devices that enhance physical abilities.

“The game piqued my interest when it started showing and discussing exoskeletons,” Bowen says. “I went to the library soon after to learn more about it. That was when I first learned about biomedical engineering and became interested in pursuing it as a profession.”

Fast-forward to her senior year at the University of Connecticut. Bowen and an interdisciplinary team of biomedical, electrical, and computer engineers developed a device using musculoskeletal modeling and computer-aided design that could help people with leg weakness to stand. The system provided just enough assistance that the person would still use their own muscles, strengthening them with repeated use. Bowen was on her way to creating her own exoskeleton.

That changed, however, when she was starting graduate school and was diagnosed with ovarian torsion caused by a large ovarian teratoma.

Not only was she dealing with a serious medical condition, but as a Black woman raised by Jamaican immigrants, she was personally confronted with inequities in health care that result in discrepancies in treatment.

“Like many Black, Indigenous, and people of color (BIPOC) women, I was initially apprehensive and discouraged from seeking medical care for a long time, which led me to trivialize my symptoms,” Bowen says. “A serious gynecological condition that required surgery was almost left untreated.”

After her surgery, Bowen pivoted from her work in human movement and biodynamics to biomedical engineering focused on women’s health.

“I became interested in applying my engineering expertise to women’s health issues in order to gain a better understanding of various pathologies from a biomechanics perspective and to bring awareness not only to individuals in my field but also to women who suffer from or may be at risk for these conditions,” she says.

During her doctoral program, Bowen studied the effects of age and pelvic reconstructive surgery on female pelvic anatomy and function using computational modeling. She received a Ford Foundation Fellowship from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine to study the biomechanical processes involved in pelvic organ prolapse (POP), a common condition that can cause extreme discomfort, sexual dysfunction, and incontinence. POP can be surgically corrected, but the repair often fails within five years, and it is unclear exactly why. Bowen’s research set out to develop a tool to better assess the biomechanics of such failures and to prevent them.

“It is hoped that our findings, based on postoperative imaging and clinical data, will encourage longitudinal trials and studies that incorporate both clinical and engineering approaches to better understand POP surgeries and pelvic floor function and dysfunction following pelvic reconstructive procedures,” she says.

After earning her PhD at the University of Pittsburgh, Bowen received multiple offers to do postdoctoral research. She chose the MIT School of Engineering’s Postdoctoral Fellowship Program for Engineering Excellence and started work in the Edelman Lab in September 2023.

“The program and my principal investigators were the most supportive of me exploring my research interests in women’s sexual anatomy and health,” she says, “and learning experimental methods from the ground up, given that my primary experience is computational.”

Elazer Edelman, the Edward J. Poitras Professor in Medical Engineering and Science, director of MIT’s Institute for Medical Engineering and Science, professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, and senior attending physician in the coronary care unit at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, speaks admiringly of Bowen and her research.

“I love working with and learning from Shaniel — she is an inspiration and creative spirit who is treading in new spaces and has the potential to add to what we know of health and physiology and change our practice of medicine,” says Edelman.

The Edelman Lab was “one of the few,” Bowen says she found “with a longstanding commitment to public outreach,” which has been a consistent endeavor throughout her academic career.

For nearly 10 years, Bowen has volunteered in mentoring and STEM outreach programs for students of all ages — including at her old high school, at the universities she has attended, and in underserved communities. Currently, Bowen devotes a portion of her time to outreach, health promotion, and education, primarily focusing on women’s health issues.

“My research collaborators and I have worked toward removing the stigma and misconceptions around women’s anatomy and health,” she says, explaining that helping young women from underserved communities to be more comfortable with and better informed about women’s anatomy and health is “integral to health equity and inclusion.” Such work also encourages young women to consider careers in STEM and women’s health, she says.

“It is imperative that women of diverse experiences and perspectives get involved in STEM to develop the next generation of scientists and advocates to improve the treatment of health conditions for all women.”

Part of Bowen’s postdoctoral research involves complementing her computational abilities by acquiring and improving her skills in biochemistry and cell biology, and tissue mechanics and engineering. Her current work on how clitoral anatomy relates to sexual function, especially after gynecological surgery, explores a topic that has seen little research, Bowen says, adding that her work could improve postoperative sexual function outcomes.

The MIT Postdoctoral Fellowship Program for Engineering Excellence — which, while emphasizing research, also provides resources and helps fellows to build a professional network — has provided an excellent system of support, Bowen says.

“It has really helped me learn and explore different career paths while having a great support system of fellows and staff that have provided continued motivation and life advice throughout the ups and downs of navigating through my postdoctoral training and job search,” she says.

[scaryarcade]

hey i've been wanting to reply to this for a while but kept getting sidetracked by life stuff! under a cut bc it's long. i'm also including a rly thoughtful writeup from a follower of mine who asked if they could share their thoughts on this post anonymously.

so, for the specific question of how people would still get their meds in this hypothetical scenario where psychiatry has been abolished...well like, disclaimer. abolition means a lot of different things to different people so i can't claim to speak for any other proponents of psychiatric abolition here. anyway

no, i don't necessarily think it would be the safest option for antipsychotics, SSRIS, etc to be sold over-the-counter. i personally think medication access could work similarly to the informed consent model for HRT that many clinics currently use. i think people should be the primary decision makers about their own healthcare and should have access to medication if they have been informed of the short and long term risks and benefits of it.

the informed consent model can still be abused to deny people access, though, and yes, there will still need to be providers that are trained to prescribe psych meds and inform patients of risks, side effects, etc. so this system would need to work in tandem with a few other ideas that are really important to me, namely:

user-led mental health care - i firmly believe in a mental health care system that is led by people who use mental health services.

the input of lived experience researchers and providers - decisions on mental health research, standards of care, training, etc, should be made first and foremost by professionals who have lived experience with a mental health condition.

these ideas are already being put into limited practice in a lot of healthcare settings, which is great! i don't want to reform the entire psych industry to prioritize these values, though, i want to build a system that inherently has these values at its core. i think when people think about abolition of an institution like psychiatry, they think it only encompasses the destruction/dismantling of existing systems. however, in addition to this, the construction of new, better systems and supports is CRUCIAL to abolition of any kind (prison abolition, psychiatric abolition, etc.) this is why i side with psych abolition over psych reform.

ok that's all i got, here are some additional thoughts on treatment, medication and autonomy that a follower of mine wanted to share anonymously:

I mean, if we trust people to reliably self-diagnose and even if they're wrong about the specifics, to note distressing or dangerous side effects and consult with a pharmacist at that point, who would also be the same person who advised them on potential side effects beforehand and portioned out a safe quantity of safe dosages based on previous fill history - yes.

If we assume that people are trying to take care of themselves and that includes research; provide safe sources so that if the person is taking the medication for addiction reasons that they won't end up dead or seriously harmed; abd educate on the very serious consequences if it is used above safe dosages or for self-harm - yes.

Ivermectin is already available to anyone who wants it, and has been used at harmful doses by people who didn't do proper research and used it for something that it was neither indicated for - nor may have been the case, if they operated on symptoms and not a test.

Pharmacists fill scripts, but they have to understand dosages, medication interactions, usage, and more. They both inform doctors if a dangerously incorrect prescription is sent in and inform customers who have questions about meds, often being required to explain what a potentially dangerous side effect is and whether to stop the med immediately or see a doctor first if experiencing that side effect.

At some point, we have to provide people with the resources to take care of themselves in order to take away as little autonomy as possible. We have to warn people of the potential harm they can do if they act carelessly, but just like we have "don't ride if you're pregnant or have heart problems" and "don't use the hairdryer in the bath" signage, we have to say "don't use this med without proper research".

As someone whose ongoing psych med journey is reaching 8 years, I now go to my med manager and say "here is my diagnosis, here are the specific symptoms I am struggling with, here are potential side effects of meds for this diagnosis I am concerned with, and so I would like to try this drug/class of drugs".

Because being informed is already crucial to medical care. Doing your own research and not accepting everything at face value, especially if you are disabled and extra especially if you are chronically ill, is necessary.

But there's also something to be said that, dismantling the psychiatric system isn't dismissing doctors, any more than dismantling the medical system is. If you have the right to self-diagnosis, IMO, all you'll be doing is going to a doc (or pharmacist) and saying "here's my condition, here's my symptoms, this is the med I want" or "here's my condition, here's my symptoms, what med would you recommend".

Because trusting people to reliably self-diagnose does mean trusting them to reliably self-diagnose in all contexts. Everyone should be doing research about meds both before and after doctor's appointments. Minimally after.

Plus, I've seen doctors refuse meds for already diagnosed conditions. On the basis of "symptom mismatch" being the most common, often in hugely ableist ways. Just this past week I read about someone's new doc refusing to renew their schizophrenia meds because they were "too pretty to be schizophrenic". And ofc, there's the common ADHD refusal of medication or diagnosis because "you did well in school". Doctors are so often more ignorant than patients that I have yet to find more than ONE across ALL specialties that I haven't had to educate on at least one condition. In the psychiatric field, the average teaching I have to do is three conditions. (Autism, DID, and psychosis/schizophrenia being most common).

Doctors are not actually an elevated class of people. I've found from talking to the good ones that I spent more time learning about my condition in an hour of research than they did in their entire schooling. Even specialists have to be generalists, because even within one body part or system there's so much that can go wrong. Meanwhile we have the time and space to become experts on the conditions we live with.

Most people aren't actually super careless with their health (and those that do often have an underlying mental health reason - which stating both condition and symptoms will help catch as long as the person is being honest. Dishonesty is not a reason to restrict access for honest people, as people can lie under any conditions. People are lying now, and depending on how stigmatized the condition is and how privileged the patient is, some lie successfully.)

Therapy is both the simpler and more complex issue. Obviously there need to be nonbigoted, educated therapists to provide therapy. But the solution is simply to provide the therapy itself to anyone who seeks it out.

It's also worth noting that unless you have multiple or lesser-known conditions, primary care providers are often the ones to prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, ADHD meds including amphetamines, and some antipsychotics - including for off-label usage (such as using a nerve pain/seizure med like gabapentin to treat anxiety).

To be anti-psych is to be against any disruption of access to care, including doctors gatekeeping medication. Without being able to order medication yourself, doctors will ALWAYS be able to gatekeep it from people, some of whom need it. It is still possible that some people may not be careful or may otherwise harm themselves.

But harm to the self is not morally wrong. As someone who has been involuntarily hospitalized in a way that saved my life but also traumatized me as a result of abuse due to the inherent power dynamics that come with removal of a person's autonomy, I am strongly against removing a person's autonomy "to protect them". It's quite honestly condescending and patronizing to say "I know what's good for you and have the right to violate your consent because you're a 'danger to yourself'."

(Personally, I am of the opinion that adequate social support structures + ongoing research in treatment of mental health + access to euthanasia after a period of time if all else fails - because you have to enshrine the right to life and quality of life before the right to death - would reduce suicide attempts to very near zero.)

There's some argument to be made about restricting a person's access to others if they are a danger to others, but not the self. Help MUST be sought voluntarily, or it is neither effective nor healthy. Being unhealthy should be an individual's choice, including choosing to harm the self. They can and should be encouraged not to, but not forced. That is just as harmful as the alternative (yes, even when the alternative is death. Death is permanent but also softer and kinder than trauma. Those that disagree can still seek voluntary care when struggling with those feelings.)

But restricting a person's autonomy because you don't want the weight of them harming themself on YOUR conscience is both selfish and oppressive. It was never on you in the first place to do anything but discourage them. You cross a line when you force them. Violating their consent - and make no mistake, involuntary restriction of autonomy is a violation of consent, it's in the name, and the instant it goes from voluntary to involuntary it becomes one - is wrong, no matter of why you're doing it. But almost especially if it's because "you know better". That's the rhetoric of bigots and abusers.

(Which, to be clear, is not calling everyone that does this either. Just like trans people use terf rhetoric and disabled people use ableist rhetoric, etc, it's something to blamelessly self-examine and excise. It's okay to be forgiving of yourself for it, even if you've upheld the harm it's done to others in the past by using it. What matters is growth.)

its a little bit depressing and.. confusing to me how anti-psychiatry is basically laughed out of the room by syscoursers. there's very little respect for people who exist outside of the system, or for whom the system just Does Not Work.

i think a lot of people get scared when they see these things heavily criticized, or when they see people say that medication and therapy and other resources dont work for them. because if they dont work for everyone they might one day not work for *ME* and *I* need these things to function

like, the main counterpoint i see brought up against anti-psych sentiments is "but i need my meds", which is kind of a fundamental misunderstanding of what anti-psych means and it frustrating to see over and over again

i just. get confused. bc this is a site and community presumably filled with leftists who understand the fundamental evils of capitalism and that our establishments (and, to an extent. our sciences) are shaped by the mindset of western imperialism, but the second you point out psychiatry as an oppressive tool of social control everyone is like "so you want to come into my house and rip the adderall straight out of my hands? youre crazy"

[phoenixyfriend]

Anakin and the Jedi Babies: Where There’s a Whill, There’s a Windu

Context: original post, chrono

(Summary of the AU: Disaster lineage got tossed back in time. Anakin stayed 21-ish, but Obi-Wan and Ahsoka got deaged, took new names for time-travel reasons (Ylliben and Sokanth, or Ben and Soka) and have been officially adopted by Anakin.)

----------------------

“You’re attached.”

“You’re just now noticing?”

Master Windu eyes him for a few long moments, and then joins him on the ground. Anakin can’t help but smirk. There’s something gratifying about having respect from the man, in this life.

“The other members of the council are concerned.”

“And you aren’t?”

“I am, but for other reasons,” Windu says.

Anakin doesn’t meet his eyes, doesn’t even respond for a long minute. He just looks out over the Room of a Thousand Fountains, spread out below them like hundreds of jungles pieced together in a jigsaw of flora. It’s been his favorite room in the Temple since he was a child, and it’s always overwhelming.

“Most of them have accepted that you adopted them because of Mandalorian customs, and that you stayed where you were due to the will of the Force,” Windu continues. “But they are… uncomfortable with how blatantly your attachments show.”

“Mandalorians are loud and refuse shame. It rubbed off.”

“You said you would kill for these children.”

“I’m their father. That’s kind of expected.”

Windu’s expression is tired. A little tired of stress, but mostly tired of Anakin’s shit. “You know what I’m trying to get at.”

“Do I?”

“Skywalker.”

“No, I’m serious. I need you to spell this out. I’ve had a million slightly-contradicting lectures on this topic, and I’ve been told pretty clearly that I misinterpreted a solid half of them. If you want a constructive conversation, you can’t be vague. I’m thirty-three years old and a father of two, Master Windu, so yes, I’m attached. What you mean by that word is going to change where this conversation goes.”

It’s gratifying to see the Master actually think it over.

“Ylliben’s tattoos have been causing the most recent stir,” Windu finally says. “They nearly all relate to family, whether new or old, and the symbolism is concerning to those who are already upset about the Mandalorian upbringing. They worry that he’ll remain too tied to people he grew up with, and unable to maintain neutrality in future diplomatic ventures, or at risk of a fall if one of the people he’s seen fit to memorialize is injured or killed. The assume a similar state of mind may be applicable to your daughter and yourself, especially given the off-color jokes about how possessive your children are about each other.”

“They’re worried about emotional immaturity,” Anakin summarizes. He offers a wan, unimpressed grin. “They do realize he’s fourteen, right? Nobody’s emotionally stable at fourteen. The hormones are out of whack.”

“I’m aware,” Windu grinds out. “And I’m aware that your histories, of war and all such things, make your ties much stronger, but you can see why the Council worries, especially those who are wary of the memories your children carry but won’t explain. I’m the only one you’ve told, Skywalker.”

“Plo and Depa know.”

“Plo and Depa aren’t on the council.”

“Yet.”

“Skywalker.”

He relents. “It’s not about Mandalore, Master Windu. It’s about Tatooine.”

Windu lets that sit for a few moments, and then sighs. “I don’t know enough about Tatooine to parse that.”

“Shmi and I are former slaves,” Anakin says, as bluntly as he can. “I was freed at nine, she at eleven, and for all that we are free, we’re not freeborn. We were born slaves, and raised slaves, and we were freed too late to forget that life. The way we think is always going to be affected by the way we grew up. That applies to all sentients, more or less, but it’s… the slave mentality is completely at odds with Jedi teachings, because Jedi teachings can only be taught in a safe environment.”

Windu nods slowly, and says, “That does make sense, but it’s… forgive me, but that’s why we don’t normally take children older than four.”

“From the perspective of teaching cultural values, that makes sense,” Anakin allows. “Teaching a Jedi child that’s cared for with communal resources that they do not need material things to be happy is fine; trying to convince a slave child of the same, someone who grew up being told they do not deserve material things, and that their owner can take anything at any time, including family? I lived that life, trying to adjust to ascetic Jedi values that coincided poorly with slave rules. I know exactly how poorly that transition can go when the person caring for the child doesn’t know how to handle the points of conflict.”

“Do you regret joining the Jedi?” Windu asks.

Anakin shakes his head. “My Jedi master, bless him, cared, and tried very hard, but he wasn’t ready to handle a kid like me and in hindsight, I know that. He needed grief counseling, and I needed therapy, and neither of us was getting it. I don’t… I don’t believe anyone in the Temple would have known how to handle a kid like me.”

“But you don’t regret it.”

“I was meant to be a Jedi,” Anakin says, as firmly as he can without getting unnecessarily bitchy about it. “My struggles with the Code aside, I was meant to be here. But the Temple doesn’t have any resources for children who come older, and I think… I think you do need that.”

“You just outlined why a child can’t follow the Code if they come from a different enough background,” Windu says.

Anakin shakes his head. “No, that’s not—I think a kid like me can learn to be a Jedi, if a little unconventional, if they’re taught correctly. The desperation to cling to anyone and anything you have can be unlearned. It takes time and effort, but it’s possible. Soka and Ben are good at balancing Tatooine care with Jedi control. If you talk to Ben, you get an entire philosophical breakdown about it, but I’m more concerned with the child psychology, because that’s what could have broken me.”

Windu frowns. “You’re building up to something.”

“I think the Jedi need programs for children found older who can’t become full Jedi,” Anakin asserts. “Even those who cannot reconcile what they absorbed growing up with the Code and Jedi tradition… they, we, need guidance. The Council tried to reject me for being too old, and now that I’m grown I understand why, but… Master Windu, what do you think would have happened to me if I hadn’t had my Master to fight for me, and had been turned away?”

“We’d have looked into placing you back with your mother and, upon finding out that she was still enslaved, secured her freedom,” Master Windu says. “Qui-Gon Jinn had taken responsibility for you, and thus you were a ward of the Temple until such a time as you were safe again. It would have been cruel to keep you from your mother if we were not to raise you a Jedi, and crueler still to allow you to return to slavery.”

“And you think I’d have been safe with her?” Anakin asks. He needs Master Windu to understand this. “You think that would have ended well?”

“You don’t?”

“Ventress,” Anakin says. “Maul. Aurra Sing, even.”

Windu considers that. He looks across the grand, green room of the garden, and finally speaks. “You think you’d have been found and corrupted by a Sith.”

“I’d already helped Naboo win a battle. I was a powerful child with no support system in this respect, eager to please,” Anakin says. “Ventress and Maul both got twisted into Sith Apprentices. Aurra Sing was just a bounty hunter, but… even if the Jedi had never found me, and the Sith remained unaware, do you think I’d have ended up better than Sing? Or would the pressures of slavery have led to my Fall anyway, eventually slaughtering my owner, the Hutts, the entire system of Tatooine’s hells?”

Windu rubs a hand over his forehead. “I understand what you’re getting at.”

“It’s not just me,” Anakin says, as carefully as he can. “Even without the Sith, there are plenty of Force-Sensitive children in terrible situations that are liable to Fall just because of how power is wielded by those at the bottom. Refusing to take on students who are already at risk… the Jedi are meant to monitor Force users to prevent Sith and other dark-aligned people from harming the galaxy. It’s one of our primary duties. If the Jedi are allowing darksiders to rise just because of an age limit…”

“I get it,” Windu says, just a little aggressive. “I understand. Give me a minute.”

Anakin tries to wait. He’s older now, he can do that. He can be patient.

He tries to convince himself that it’s true.

“You have a point,” Master Windu finally allows. “And with the knowledge that the Sith are out there, still, it’s a more salient point than most would think. The EduCorps already has a subdivision for teaching meditative techniques to low-level force users who need to learn shielding but aren’t sensitive enough to be Jedi, or are just too old, but I see your point about encouraging a program for powerful Force-Sensitives that aren’t discovered early enough to integrate into the community in full.”

“And a more comprehensive Search pattern for the Outer Rim?” Anakin suggests. He shrugs at the look he gets. “What? You’ve seen my midicount. I was on Tatooine for almost a decade, and the only reason anyone found me was that Qui-Gon had to crash a ship in the middle of nowhere. I’m sure the Force led him to me, given all the coincidences, but that’s still a solid nine years that nobody did, despite how I apparently ‘shine like the sun’ or whatever.”

“Humble.”

“The last time I took a midichlorian test on a portable counter, it literally broke the device. That’s not arrogance, that’s just absurd.”

Windu looks exhausted by the comment. Anakin can’t bring himself to feel too bad about it.

“What about Jedha?” Anakin suggests instead. “Jedi find the kids, but if they’re too old to be Jedi, we could coordinate with one of the temples at Jedha to see about having them raised in the traditions of the Whills? They’re a little less orthodox, aren’t they?”

“In some respects,” Master Windu says. “More constrained in others, but… it’s a possibility. Most of the overlooked children, yourself included, are from parts of the Outer Rim that aren’t part of the Republic, Skywalker.”

Anakin shrugs. “And many of them would have been happy to be found and collected by a Jedi, even if they couldn’t become Jedi. Not the Dathomiri, since they’ve got their own thing going on, but… from what I know about Ventress, she actually did have a Jedi Master before the situation on Rattatak became… what’s the word… untenable? He died and she was left alone, and she’d been a slave already and it just… did not end well for her. But that was a planet overrun by pirates and warlords, and would have been approved as a planet the Jedi could help without it being a weird colonialism thing… if the Senate weren’t made up of cheapskates, at least.”

“Skywalker.”

“My name isn’t actually a reprimand, you know.”

“You’re not supposed to just say that,” Windu groans, running a hand over his face. “The Senate’s choice in funding is not optimal, but insulting them in that way, even in private—”

“They’re assholes,” Anakin says, and doesn’t let his humor show. “Except my late wife, but she’s not part of the Senate in this time, so I feel no shame in accusing the entire shitshow of being cheapskates.”

Windu looks about ready to push him off the ledge.

“You’re never allowed to go on diplomatic missions, are you?” Windu mutters.

“Unless it’s to Mandalore,” Anakin clarifies. “Also, never send me to Tatooine. Ever. Please. I kriffing hate that planet.”

“I’m going to assume you have plans to kill a Hutt if we ever send you to—”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Windu sighs. “I’ll discuss this with the Council, see how they feel about reaching out to Jedha for your suggestion regarding the Whills.”

“And you’ll tell them not to worry about my kids?”

“Skywalker, they are never going to stop worrying about your family,” Windu tells him.

“That’s fair.”

[qqueenofhades]

Re: the post you reblogged about Bush. I'm 21 and tbh feel like I can only vote for Bernie, can you explain if/why I shouldn't? Thanks and sorry if this is dumb or anything.

Oh boy. Okay, I’ll do my best here. Note that a) this will get long, and b) I’m old, Tired, and I‘m pretty sure my brain tried to kill me last night. Since by nature I am sure I will say something Controversial ™, if anyone reads this and feels a deep urge to inform me that I am Wrong, just… mark it down as me being Wrong and move on with your life. But also, really, you should read this and hopefully think about it. Because while I’m glad you asked this question, it feels like there’s a lot in your cohort who won’t, and that worries me. A lot.

First, not to sound utterly old-woman-in-a-rocking-chair ancient, people who came of age/are only old enough to have Obama be the first president that they really remember have no idea how good they had it. The world was falling the fuck apart in 2008 (not coincidentally, after 8 years of Bush). We came within a flicker of the permanent collapse of the global economy. The War on Terror was in full roar, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were at their height, we had Dick Cheney as the cartoon supervillain before we had any of Trump’s cohort, and this was before Chelsea Manning or Edward Snowden had exposed the extent of NSA/CIA intelligence-gathering/American excesses or there was any kind of public debate around the fact that we were all surveilled all the time. And the fact that a brown guy named Barack Hussein Obama was elected in this climate seems, and still seems tbh, kind of amazing. And Obama was certainly not a Perfect President ™. He had to scale back a lot of planned initiatives, he is notorious for expanding the drone strike/extrajudicial assassination program, he still subscribed to the overall principles of neoliberalism and American exceptionalism, etc etc. There is valid criticism to be made as to how the hopey-changey optimistic rhetoric stacked up against the hard realities of political office. And yet…. at this point, given what we’re seeing from the White House on a daily basis, the depth of the parallel universe/double standards is absurd.

Because here’s the thing. Obama, his entire family, and his entire administration had to be personally/ethically flawless the whole time (and they managed that – not one scandal or arrest in eight years, against the legions of Trumpistas now being convicted) because of the absolute frothing depths of Republican hatred, racial conspiracy theories, and obstruction against him. (Remember Merrick Garland and how Mitch McConnell got away with that, and now we have Gorsuch and Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court? Because I remember that). If Obama had pulled one-tenth of the shit, one-twentieth of the shit that the Trump administration does every day, he would be gone. It also meant that people who only remember Obama think he was typical for an American president, and he wasn’t. Since about… Jimmy Carter, and definitely since Ronald Reagan, the American people have gone for the Trump model a lot more than the Obama model. Whatever your opinion on his politics or character, Obama was a constitutional law professor, a community activist, a neighborhood organizer and brilliant Ivy League intellectual who used to randomly lie awake at night thinking about income inequality. Americans don’t value intellectualism in their politicians; they just don’t. They don’t like thinking that “the elites” are smarter than them. They like the folksy populist who seems fun to have a beer with, and Reagan/Bush Senior/Clinton/Bush Junior sold this persona as hard as they possibly could. As noted in said post, Bush Junior (or Shrub as the late, great Molly Ivins memorably dubbed him) was Trump Lite but from a long-established political family who could operate like an outwardly civilized human.

The point is: when you think Obama was relatively normal (which, again, he wasn’t, for any number of reasons) and not the outlier in a much larger pattern of catastrophic damage that has been accelerated since, again, the 1980s (oh Ronnie Raygun, how you lastingly fucked us!), you miss the overall context in which this, and which Trump, happened. Like most left-wingers, I don’t agree with Obama’s recent and baffling decision to insert himself into the 2020 race and warn the Democratic candidates against being too progressive or whatever he was on about. I think he was giving into the same fear that appears to be motivating the remaining chunk of Joe Biden’s support: that middle/working-class white America won’t go for anything too wild or that might sniff of Socialism, and that Uncle Joe, recalled fondly as said folksy populist and the internet’s favorite meme grandfather from his time as VP, could pick up the votes that went to Trump last time. And that by nature, no one else can.

The underlying belief is that these white voters just can’t support anything too “un-American,” and that by pushing too hard left, Democratic candidates risk handing Trump a second term. Again: I don’t agree and I think he was mistaken in saying it. But I also can’t say that Obama of all people doesn’t know exactly the strength of the political machine operating against the Democratic Party and the progressive agenda as a whole, because he ran headfirst into it for eight years. The fact that he managed to pass any of his legislative agenda, usually before the Tea Party became a thing in 2010, is because Democrats controlled the House and Senate for the first two years of his first term. He was not perfect, but it was clear that he really did care (just look up the pictures of him with kids). He installed smart, efficient, and scandal-free people to do jobs they were qualified for. He gave us Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor to join RBG on the Supreme Court. All of this seems… like a dream.

That said: here we are in a place where Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warren are the front-runners for the Democratic nomination (and apparently Pete Buttigieg is getting some airplay as a dark horse candidate, which… whatever). The appeal of Biden is discussed above, and he sure as hell is not my favored candidate (frankly, I wish he’d just quit). But Sanders and Warren are 85% - 95% similar in their policy platforms. The fact that Michael “50 Billion Dollar Fortune” Bloomberg started rattling his chains about running for president is because either a Sanders or Warren presidency terrifies the outrageously exploitative billionaire capitalist oligarchy that runs this country and has been allowed to proceed essentially however the fuck they like since… you guessed it, the 1980s, the era of voodoo economics, deregulation, and the free market above all. Warren just happens to be ten years younger than Sanders and female, and Sanders’ age is not insignificant. He’s 80 years old and just had a heart attack, and there’s still a year to go to the election. It’s also more than a little eye-rolling to describe him as the only progressive candidate in the race, when he’s an old white man (however much we like and approve of his policy positions). And here’s the thing, which I think is a big part of the reason why this polarized ideological purity internet leftist culture mistrusts Warren:

She may have changed her mind on things in the past.

Scary, right? I sound like I’m being facetious, but I’m not. An argument I had to read with my own two eyes on this godforsaken hellsite was that since Warren became a Democrat around the time Clinton signed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, she sekritly hated gay people and might still be a corporate sellout, so on and etcetera. (And don’t even get me STARTED on the fact that DADT, coming a few years after the height of the AIDS crisis which was considered God’s Judgment of the Icky Gays, was the best Clinton could realistically hope to achieve, but this smacks of White Gay Syndrome anyway and that is a whole other kettle of fish.) Bernie has always demonstrably been a democratic socialist, and: good for him. I’m serious. But because there’s the chance that Warren might not have thought exactly as she does now at any point in her life, the hysterical and paranoid left-wing elements don’t trust that she might not still secretly do so. (Zomgz!) It’s the same element that’s feeding cancel culture and “wokeness.” Nobody can be allowed to have shifted or grown in their opinions or, like a functional, thoughtful, non-insane adult, changed their beliefs when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. To the ideological hordes, any hint of uncertainty or past failure to completely toe the line is tantamount to heresy. Any evidence of any other belief except The Correct One means that this person is functionally as bad as Trump. And frankly, it’s only the Sanders supporters who, just as in 2016, are threatening to withhold their vote in the general election if their preferred candidate doesn’t win the primary, and indeed seem weirdly proud about it.

OK, boomer Bernie or Buster.

Here’s the thing, the thing, the thing: there is never going to be an American president free of the deeply toxic elements of American ideology. There just won’t be. This country has been built how it has for 250 years, and it’s not gonna change. You are never going to have, at least not in the current system, some dream candidate who gets up there and parrots the left-wing talking points and attacks American imperialism, exceptionalism, ravaging global capitalism, military and oil addiction, etc. They want to be elected as leader of a country that has deeply internalized and taken these things to heart for its entire existence, and most of them believe it to some degree themselves. So this groupthink white liberal mentality where the only acceptable candidate is this Perfect Non-Problematic robot who has only ever had one belief their entire lives and has never ever wavered in their devotion to doctrine has really gotten bad. The Democratic Party would be considered… maybe center/mild left in most other developed countries. It’s not even really left-wing by general standards, and Sanders and Warren are the only two candidates for the nomination who are even willing to go there and explicitly put out policy proposals that challenge the systematic structure of power, oppression, and exploitation of the late-stage capitalist 21st century. Warren has the billionaires fussed, and instead of backing down, she’s doubling down. That’s part of why they’re so scared of her. (And also misogyny, because the world is depressing like that.) She is going head-on after picking a fight with some of the worst people on the planet, who are actively killing the rest of us, and I don’t know about you, but I like that.

Of course: none of this will mean squat if she (or the eventual Democratic winner, who I will vote for regardless of who it is, but as you can probably tell, she’s my ride or die) don’t a) win the White House and then do as they promised on the campaign trail, and b) don’t have a Democratic House and Senate willing to have a backbone and pass the laws. Even Nancy Pelosi, much as she’s otherwise a badass, held off on opening a formal impeachment inquiry into Trump for months out of fear it would benefit him, until the Ukraine thing fell into everyone’s laps. The Democrats are really horrible at sticking together and voting the party line the way Republicans do consistently, because Democrats are big-tent people who like to think of themselves as accepting and tolerant of other views and unwilling to force their members’ hands. The Republicans have no such qualms (and indeed, judging by their enabling of Trump, have no qualms at all). 

The modern American Republican party has become a vehicle for no-holds-barred power for rich white men at the expense of absolutely everything and everyone else, and if your rationale is that you can’t vote for the person opposing Donald Goddamn Trump is that you’re just not vibing with them on the language of that one policy proposal… well, I’m glad that you, White Middle Class Liberal, feel relatively safe that the consequences of that decision won’t affect you personally. Even if we’re due to be out of the Paris Climate Accords one day after the 2020 election, and the issue of climate change now has the most visibility it’s ever had after years of big-business, Republican-led efforts to deny and discredit the science, hey, Secret Corporate Shill, am I right? Can’t trust ‘er. Let’s go have a craft beer.

As has been said before: vote as far left as you want in the primary. Vote your ideology, vote whatever candidate you want, because the only way to make actual, real-world change is to do that. The huge, embedded, all-consuming and horrible system in which we operate is not just going to suddenly be run by fairy dust and happy thoughts overnight. Select candidates that reflect your values exactly, be as picky and ideologically militant as you want. That’s the time to do that! Then when it comes to the general election:

America is a two-party system. It sucks, but that’s the case. Third-party votes, or refraining from voting because “it doesn’t matter” are functionally useless at best and actively harmful at worst.

Either the Democratic candidate or Donald Trump will win the 2020 election.

There is absolutely no length that the Republican/GOP machine, and its malevolent allies elsewhere, will not go to in order to secure a Trump victory. None.

Any talk whatsoever about “progressive values” or any kind of liberal activism, coupled with a course of action that increases the possibility of a Trump victory, is hypocritical at best and actively malicious at worst.

This is why I found the Democratic response to Obama’s “don’t go too wild” comments interesting. Bernie doubled down on the fact that his plans have widespread public support, and he’s right. (Frankly, the fact that Sanders and Warren are polling at the top, and the fact that they’re politicians and would not be crafting these campaign messages if they didn’t know that they were being positively received, says plenty on its own). Warren cleverly highlighted and praised Obama’s accomplishments in office (i.e. the Affordable Care Act) and didn’t say squat about whether she agreed or disagreed with him, then went right back to campaigning about why billionaires suck. And some guy named Julian Castro basically blew Obama off and claimed that “any Democrat” could beat Trump in 2020, just by nature of existing and being non-insane.

This is very dangerous! Do not be Julian Castro!

As I said in my tags on the Bush post: everyone assumed that sensible people would vote for Kerry in 2004. Guess what happened? Yeah, he got Swift Boated. The race between Obama and McCain in 2008, even after those said nightmare years of Bush, was very close until the global crash broke it open in Obama’s favor, and Sarah Palin was an actual disqualifier for a politician being brazenly incompetent and unprepared. (Then again, she was a woman from a remote backwater state, not a billionaire businessman.) In 2012, we thought Corporate MormonBot Mitt Fuggin’ Romney was somehow the worst and most dangerous candidate the Republicans could offer. In 2016, up until Election Day itself, everyone assumed that HRC was a badly flawed candidate but would win anyway. And… we saw how that worked out. Complacency is literally deadly.

I was born when Reagan was still president. I’m just old enough to remember the efforts to impeach Clinton over forcing an intern to give him a BJ in the Oval Office (This led by the same Republicans making Donald Trump into a darling of the evangelical Christian right wing.) I’m definitely old enough to remember 9/11 and how America lost its mind after that, and I remember the Bush years. And, obviously, the contrast with Obama, the swing back toward Trump, and everything that has happened since. We can’t afford to do this again. We’re hanging by a thread as it is, and not just America, but the entire planet.

So yes. By all means, vote for Sanders in the primary. Then when November 3, 2020 rolls around, if you care about literally any of this at all, hold your nose if necessary and vote straight-ticket Democrat, from the president, to the House and Senate, to the state and local offices. I cannot put it more strongly than that.

[hamliet]

Lindsay and Melanie: The Illusion of Control

Okay, so since I already wrote an analysis of Michael's arc in Queer as Folk, I figured I'd move onto the next main character that gets a lot of flack: Lindsay Peterson. But also Melanie Marcus, because their arcs are intertwined as much as Brian's and Justin's.

That said, there's going to be a serious aspect of critique here, because unlike with Michael--whom I genuinely think is one of the best written characters--Melanie's and especially Lindsay's characters do have some very obvious writing flaws. (I also already touched on this--briefly--here.) However, they also have some very clear strengths in their writing that I find intriguing, so let's dive in.

Again in my analysis of Michael (and Justin and Brian), I talked about the overall motif/theme of illusion vs. reality. That is something also very present in Lindsay and Melanie's respective arcs, where it takes the form of the illusion of control. Control is the primary flaw for both women, but it manifests itself differently.

Lindsay: wants to control her image

Melanie: wants control of the world around her

Lindsay: Infuriatingly Right, and Wrong

Marianne: Is Lindsay one of those people who's always infuriatingly right?

Oh, Lindsay. She's kind to those around her, and she's often right. But her rightness comes from her empathy, which also can become her greatest weakness... because she knows she's often right, and she knows she's compassionate, she can then try to please everyone and thereby please no one.

In season 1, Linds doesn't want to upset Brian or Melanie regarding Gus, and therefore creates more problems. Neither Brian nor Melanie were wrong in what they were feeling, but how Brian went about it was wrong. It's Lindsay's desire to be the perfect friend to Brian and girlfriend to Melanie that keeps her from being decent at either at first.

When Linds hits a rough point, her default is to go into image-control mode. She can't risk losing the house after she and Mel break up in season 1, so she finds a gay man and opts to marry him for convenience. She'd get to keep the house, and he'd get to stay in the country. But it's all a fraud and also highly illegal. Still, Lindsay goes to great lengths to invent a fake relationship to make this work, and would have gone through with it had Brian not intervened.

That's why Lindsay deciding to propose to Melanie in season 2, at her sister's third wedding after her sister's atrocious patronizing insult, is so powerful for Lindsay. It's such a taboo, and yet a beautiful moment. She's shattering her image, and her family's image (which is indeed what her mom, Nancy, goes on to bewail).

As we go on to see, Lindsay has always struggled with trying to earn her parents' approval. They judge her sexuality and don't even consider Gus their grandson.

Lindsay: It's not about the money. It's about... Mel: Love? You want them to show you the same attention that they show Lynette... Maybe we have to prove more afford. We've never really asked them over to see how we live. Meet our friends. Which makes us same guilty as they are. Lindsay: So, what are we do? Mel: We invite them over and throw a little party. Lindsay: You aren't serious! Mel: If they could see that we're a real family, with a real life, just like your sister, then they might feel differently.

But they are a real family, and they have real lives with or without Lindsay's parents' permission. Lindsay's arc in season 2 shows her letting go of expectations, as her parents fail her yet again and show that the reason Lindsay focuses so much on image? Is because they do the same.

Mel: Lindsay's been working her ass off for you. Would it have been so f*cking hard to show up? Nancy and Ron: Language! Mel: Your excuses are bullshit. All she wants from you is to show her a little support.... Look, I know what you think about me. I'm the slick Jew lawyer come to shake you down for a few sheckels. The d*ke who corrupted your daughter. Well, you're wrong. I'm Lindsay's loving partner, and Gus's adoring mother. And I know that I will never cause him the pain that you've caused her. He'll never have to wonder whether or not I love him.

"Language" when you've just lied to your daughter to avoid going to a simple party at her house is a real laugh.

When Lindsay and Melanie's wedding starts to go wrong, Lindsay wants to call it off because she thinks it's just not supposed to happen because they're gay. Fortunately, again, Melanie and Brian intervene to save the day. But this incident reveals how deeply ingrained the self-loathing, shame, and struggle to conform to an image of what a wedding/life should be are in Lindsay. Thus, it makes sense that she'd backslide in her arc at times... although the backsliding isn't always handled well.

We then also see Lindsay getting Brian to fake being her husband to get Gus into school. The narrative then denies Gus in favor of a same-sex couple, teaching Lindsay a valuable lesson: be yourself, regardless of image. But that's hard to keep up in a world that is so toxic.

When Lindsay becomes an art seller in season 3, she makes great strides and is highly successful, earning a good impression in those around her. She also pushes that season for Brian to be the father for her and Mel's next child, even though neither Melanie nor Brian are excited about this possibility. The point is that Lindsay keeps saying she wants Brian to father their second child because "our kids [should] be related."

The irony, of course, is that Lindsay's own blood relations ignore her at best. Her family is with those around her, a found family. Hence, it's good from this perspective that Lindsay supports Melanie choosing Michael as the father.

However, once we get into season 4, Lindsay finds herself facing a new temptation: a man, whom her mother would approve of (as seen in season 5, she does). But said man is horrible, cruel, and openly misogynistic.

It also says something about Lindsay's self-esteem that she had sex with a man who literally just wanted to turn a lesbian. Gross. Of course, Lindsay wasn't interested in that and regretted it immediately, and affirmed that she was a lesbian (yes, bi erasure comes into play here, but people are what they say their labels are). Yet still, it's ironic and sad that the idea of looking "as she should" causes the family she does have to fall apart.

Does the cheating plotline with Sam work for her arc? On paper, I do think so. In the context of the story as a whole and the world it's created in, it's not the best choice for where they could have taken her arc, imo. By not the best, I mean "laziest." They got where Lindsay needed to grow and got the challenge, but could have done it in a far more unique and interesting way that didn't come with icky subtext.

When Lindsay then leaves Melanie, it also makes sense and could be seen as growth for a time. Mel lashed out at her in ways that were both fair and unfair, and Lindsay didn't have to sit there and put up with it after a certain time. It was good for her to show Melanie that she couldn't lash out at Lindsay in her pain.

Melanie: Hurting, or Hypocrite?

My initial reaction to Melanie's response to Lindsay cheating on her with Sam was that she was being totally hypocritical. And she was. But, I actually think it could have worked for her character arc... if it had been explored on a deeper level. (It also wasn't the only way to have her grow, so... I think they should've gone with another plotline, but if they wanted to go with this one, it actually really could have worked, and does to the extent where it doesn't completely ruin her or Lindsay's arc, which was impressive because in less skilled hands it for sure would have.)

Let's back up and talk about what Melanie's arc was about. I've already said it was about control, which, if we had any doubts, Lindsay clears up for us:

Melanie: If you would've listened to me and done what I said, we wouldn't be playing this game of, "Baby, Baby, Who's Got The Baby?" Lindsay: That's what's killing you, isn't it? It has nothing to do with the baby or the custody agreement. It has to do with you, Melanie Marcus, not getting her way, not having complete control over everything. Well, tough shit, ya don't!

But why does Melanie want control so badly?

We'll start off with Melanie's antagonistic relationship to Brian. No, this isn't making Mel's arc about Brian, but about foiling.

Despite claiming to hate Brian, Melanie really only hates him not because of jealousy for Lindsay, but because she has a lot in common with him and doesn't like to see that. Brian doesn't control the people around him, that's true, but Brian is the sort who acts like he doesn't give a care about anyone until all of a sudden, he's sacrificing everything to make them happy. Melanie's the same. She claims to hate Brian, but is willing to represent him pro bono when he's falsely accused of sexual harassment.

She denies some of the best parts of herself, and feels a constant need to prove she has the right to exist and live and love. That's also the crux of Brian's issues: feeling the need to prove the right to live, without realizing that you don't need to earn life.

Hence, Melanie learning to accept Brian and tolerate him (albeit with the same sardonic eye rolls Brian employs with 99% of his loved ones) is symbolic of her learning to accept those parts of herself she doesn't want to accept. When she denies this, she pays the price. For example, when Melanie chooses Michael over Brian to father JR... yeah, you're not gonna hear me defending Michael here. At all. Mel's at first worried about having a repeat of Gus, but Brian had grown and would never have put her through a custody battle.

Melanie accepting Brian also shows Melanie how to grow: she needs to let go of the need to control others, which is partially what she does in the end of the series. She can't control Lindsay or whom Lindsay is attracted to, she can't control the fathers of her children and the roles they play in their kids' lives, but she loves them. Because she loves them, she has a way forward.

Melanie's way forward has always been through Lindsay. Their marriage storyline in season 2 ties into Melanie overcoming her flaw as much as it does Lindsay. When Mel tells Lindsay that while she initially said there was no point in getting married, she meant because straight people wouldn't give them permission. But as she then tells Lindsay:

Mel: That's not quite true... we wouldn't give ourselves permission.

Mel tries to control those around her out of fear of herself, and her being accepted by Lindsay despite losing self-control (via her affair in season 1), and then by marrying Lindsay, was always her path forward.

However, Brian's influence isn't perfect. Him telling Melanie she needs to play the game--the same advice she leaned into when defending him in season 1--backfired when she pushed Lindsay to do the same with Sam. In a sense, this could be seen as a way of asking Lindsay to reconsider Melanie's perspective.

Melanie's issues with playing the game are directly tied to her identity: she's a Jewish lesbian, and she has always felt different because of it. Lindsay's parents constantly put her down, people invalidate her as a woman because of her endometriosis and fertility struggles, and she loses opportunities at work for her orientation. Every time she defends herself, she falls back on her identity. See the above quote where Melanie tells off Ron and Nancy, and also Mel's response to the Petersons freak-out over Lindsay proposing to her (where she says that of course the Petersons "blame the Jew").

From this perspective, Melanie's utter freak out at Lindsay's infidelity makes a ton of sense. She's always comforted herself that she isn't alone: she has Lindsay, who is also a lesbian and loves her. But is she enough? How can she be in a world that tells her she's wrong? (It's also not a coincidence Mel is the character who frequently brings up straight white male privilege.)

But then Lindsay gives into her worst flaws. Melanie is terrified of losing her, and she pushes Lindsay away (hey, Brian-esque tendencies: kick them out before they leave!). When Melanie tells Lindsay off, it's with a scathing speech about how she's always known exactly who she is:

Mel: it gave you a chance to contrast and compare and come to the conclusion that given the choices, you still prefer me!

Lindsay: That part is true.

Mel: Well, it isn't true for me. I know which team I play on. It's not a choice or a preference. It's who I am! It's who I've always been. A rug muncher, a muff-diver, a cunt-lapper, a bull, a lezzie, a d*ke!

Lindsay: What do you think I am?

Mel: Don't ask me to make up your mind for you. You have to do that all by yourself.

Lindsay: I'm a lesbian.

Mel: Not if you're having sex with a man, honey!

Yes, Mel's reaction is biphobic. But it also makes sense from the perspective of being pregnant, doing a very traditionally expected feminine thing, and then finding out someone she's always felt she wasn't good enough for cheated on her with a man Lindsay's family would be all too happy to see her leave Mel for. I mean, that's what Mel directly tells Lindsay:

Mel: There's nothing I can do that'll ever make you feel completely happy. You'll always feel unsatisfied and I'll always feel like I'm not enough. Lindsay: That's not true. Mel: Bullshit! Of course it is! Otherwise none of this would've happened!

This could have worked fairly well as an exploration of concepts like biphobia and Melanie's own self-esteem issues, but it was mostly not addressed. In an ideal version of QaF, all of this could also have then been used to explore Melanie's complicated feelings about being a mom, a lesbian, and a successful lawyer. But, it wasn't.

Along those lines, it does make sense that needing to play the game in a legal sense had legal consequences for Melanie (custody). But again, this wasn't dealt with on a deep-enough level to have emotional impact, or to feel earned instead of feeling like tacked-on drama (that was somewhat unfair, too; give Mel a break!)

Lindsay, Melanie, Debbie, and Jennifer

Lindsay and Melanie also foil Debbie and Jennifer, the two other moms with arcs in the series. All four are good mothers. Two are outspoken (Debbie and Mel), two softer (Lindsay and Jennifer). Two attempt to control others albeit out of love and fear of being hurt (Melanie and Debbie), while two want control of their own image (Lindsay and Jennifer).

For example, Jennifer literally tells Craig not to tell anyone about Brian and Justin's relationship because "that's the last thing we need, for anybody else to know!" Thus, it's also fitting that Jennifer ends up in a slightly transgressive relationship of her own at the end of the series (with the much younger Tucker). Letting go of your image to be yourself is the best way to love others, and yourself.

But Jen and Melanie have similar views of Brian and a similar arc in season 1. Through learning to accept Brian, Melanie learns she isn't perfect and accepts this, and Jennifer learns to grow. Lindsay and Debbie are similar too in how they always accepted Brian as he is. However, Lindsay and Debbie's arcs are both about how they need to accept they aren't perfect, either (and again, their empathy/being right is at once their greatest strengths and their greatest weakness, because it makes it harder for them to look at themselves and be like: am I the bad guy here?) For more on Deb's arc, see here.

Considering these four women are all such obvious foils, more interaction between them would've been nice.

Why Mellinds' Writing Flaws Stand Out

It's not that I think Melanie and Lindsay's arcs themselves are bad technically speaking--clearly, I don't think that. I also don't think there's a huge gap in writing quality between them and some of the male cast. However, there is a reason that people tend to pick up on the issues in their arcs more, and that has everything to do with the lack of good representation--not just in the world, but specifically in Queer as Folk.

There are three main female characters (Lindsay, Melanie, Debbie), of which only Linds and Mel are queer. There are only four female characters with long-running arcs (add Jennifer to the previous three). Each of the main four female characters' arcs? Is primarily explored through their motherhood and relationships with men.

Not Great. (Daphne is a great side character, but she doesn't really have her own arc, which is a shame; I think a lot could have been done here especially when it comes to intersectionality.)

While Debbie's writing is some of the best in the series, she's still straight, as is Jennifer. I don't so much think I would change the overall directions of Melanie and Lindsay's arcs, but there needed to be another queer female character (cis or trans) to add diversity and avoid a "one size fits all" portrayal of women's desires. Because there isn't, the show comes dangerously close to this perspective, which is at its core very much the exact opposite of its message: we don't all have to be the same to be human. QaF says fuck one size fits all, after all! I kinda wish Leda had stuck around...

Now, this could work since it is, after all, just a story, and stories aren't inherently obligated to show you a perfect kind of representation for everyone... but QaF did hold itself up as breaking boundaries and pushing a progressive narrative. Which, it did. But of course, this also means its flaws stand out more.

Illusion vs Reality

The idea of "control" is something very human. Don't we all want some control over our own lives, our futures, over what the world thinks about us? Thus, Lindsay and Melanie's relationship journey ties into the concept of what it means to be human, which is QaF's main theme. Being human means you can't control things except yourself, and even then there are limits (diseases, bodies and brains that get injured). And even self-control isn't a guarantee, which is why we need the people we love around us.

When Mel and Linds move to Canada in the season finale, it's a healthy decision for them. No, they haven't completely overcome their flaws. They probably won't, because no one ever will in this life, but they can grow all the same. They're moving to a place where they are more supported, a place where they can make their marriage legal (a callback to how, when breaking up over Sam, they remarked how they were lucky they couldn't marry legally because they didn't have to go through a divorce; now they do, assuming they legally marry which seems pretty obvious). There, Melanie might find it a healthier environment to begin to heal and feel less like she has to be on the defensive about her identity. There also, Lindsay has completely left her biological family but will keep in touch with her found family, as she and Mel assure Deb "we wouldn't be family without you."

No, it's not perfect. There are no guarantees. Nothing is solved, and Canada will have its own problems undoubtedly. But keep trying for a better world, for a safer environment, to be aware of your own limits and need for a healthier place, to want to raise your kids in a better place--that's all love in action. Love is active in Queer as Folk far more than it's an emotion. It's a decision. It's hope put into actions. It's faith. And that's beautiful.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Rose*, a 31-year-old bi+ woman who has struggled with depression for most of her life, didn’t commit to a therapist until her mid-twenties. When she finally did, her therapist consistently “made comments about how I didn't seem very into [dating women] and maybe it wasn't for me,” she recalls. She says her therapist even asked if she was “using” her attraction to women as a way to avoid the relationship problems she had with men.

The reality was that Rose was nervous. She was unsure of what being bisexual meant for the rest of her life, and wasn’t convinced that she was “queer enough,” she says. She needed support and affirmation during this time. Instead, Rose says her experience in therapy, which belittled and undermined her sexuality, made it more difficult to wade through the process of bettering her mental health.

There are more than nine million LGBTQ+ people in America, and about 52 percent identifies as bisexual or Bi+, according to a report released by the non-profit think tank Movement Advancement Project (MAP). There are many wonderful things to celebrate about being bi+, which is defined as being attracted to or having physical and sexual relationships with people of different genders. However, it can also make navigating the world much harder, since biphobic stereotypes still persist within and without the LGBTQ+ community. Think: assuming bi+ people just can’t commit, are just gay or straight people who can’t “decide” what “team” they’re on, or are simply “greedy.”

Emotionally, biphobia is harmful, but it has larger consequences than hurt feelings. Biphobia can persist even in professional spaces where people seek care—which has critical implications for the physical and mental well-being of bi+ people.

Biphobia in health spaces

Brian A. Feinstein, PhD, a research assistant professor at the Institute for Sexual and Gender Minority Health and Wellbeing at Northwestern University, says that bi+ people have higher rates of mental and physical health problems than heterosexual, gay, and lesbian people—such as an increased risk of substance abuse, cardiovascular disease, cancer, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The concerning trend is true for mental health issues, too; research shows that bi+ people are at elevated risks of suicidal ideation and are more likely to have mood or anxiety disorders.

Yet often bi+ people report biphobic comments from the very professionals from whom they seek care. This was true for Rose, and it certainly was true for Charles*, a bi+ transgender man. In a primary care physician’s office for a first visit about a stomach issue, his doctor shamed him about for having had eight sexual partners within a year. “I felt so on edge because of the slut-shaming and the assumptions there that I didn't even get into telling her the gender of my partners,” Charles says.

Assumptions that a person has to be equally attracted to men and women in order to be bi+, that a person has to have had sex with people of different genders in order to be truly bi+, or that a person in a monogamous relationship is no longer bi+ are all examples of biphobia playing out in real life. Adriana Joyner, LMFT, a bi+ woman who is a therapist herself, says that when a person’s sexuality is “repeatedly, frequently, and persistently minimized or questioned, or even worse, degraded, it takes a significant toll on a bisexual person’s mental health.”

The impact of biphobia on medical care

Beyond the very real mental health impact, biphobia within medical environments ends up making it harder for patients to be open about their sexual orientation, explains Gillian Deen, MD, MPH, the Senior Director of Medical Services at Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Indeed, a 2013 study found that nondisclosure rates among bisexual men and women (39 percent and 33 percent respectively) were higher than among gay men and lesbian women (10 percent and 13 percent.)

This has serious implications for health. If a patient is determined not to be a pregnancy risk because of assumptions about their sexual partners, for example, they may not be offered contraception, Dr. Deen says, which could put a bi+ person at risk of an unwanted pregnancy. “Having clear information about a person’s sexual partner may also lead to different recommendations about routine STI testing, due to different prevalence rates among different communities,” she adds.

Similarly, Dr. Feinstein says that because bi+ men are less likely to be open about their sexual orientation, they’re less likely to receive prevention services like testing or pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), the medication that prevents HIV transmission. This means that bi+ men who are living with HIV are also less likely than gay men with HIV to even be aware of their HIV status, Dr. Feinstein says.

The fear of being misunderstood can also prevent patients from seeking out the healthcare they need. Joyner says the work that goes into finding a competent, bi-affirming therapist has prevented her from going to therapy in the past. “There are so few therapists that are truly knowledgeable and affirmative toward diverse sexualities or that understand the uniqueness of being bisexual or pansexual that I’m wary to taking a chance on a new therapist,” she says.

How to combat the problem

Given the physical and mental health issues that bi+ people face, the fact that many of them aren’t comfortable disclosing their sexuality to their doctor should be a wake-up call to medical professionals to change their approach when treating bi+ patients. Doctors need to understand that “a patient's current or past sexual partners aren’t necessarily indicative of their whole sexuality,” says Dr. Deen. Instead, asking patients about their partners' anatomy instead of gender often provides her with the information she actually needs to properly care for her patients. However, when providers make assumptions and judgments, “it can make patients lose faith in our ability to provide the health care they need,” says Dr. Deen.

Dr. Feinstein says that the only way to truly help patients is to listen to them. “If someone tells you they have a same-gender partner, don’t assume they are gay. If someone tells you they have a different-gender partner, don’t assume they are heterosexual. And if someone tells you they are bisexual, believe them and don’t ask them to ‘prove’ it by asking them if they are more attracted to one gender than to other genders,” he says.

Those skills don’t necessarily come overnight, and unfortunately, medical schools aren’t necessarily providing LGBT-specific, bi+-inclusive cultural and health competence training for students. although with the prevelance of health issues about Bi+ populations, they absolutely should be, according to recommendations from MAP. It’s only been recently that signs of potentially changing times have occurred, with schools like the University of Louisville incorporating LGBT training into their med school curriculums.

Dr. Feinstein believes that healthcare providers do want to help their patients, which means they have to take a more active interest in biphobia and how not to perpetuate it. “Doctors and therapists should be engaged in ongoing continuing education in cultural competence and structural competence,” says Herukhuti Sharif Williams, PhD, a scholar whose work focuses on sex research and education. One potential place to start: accessible online learning modules to teach current doctors how to be LGBTQ+ affirming. He also suggests that doctors maintain personal relationships with people in the communities from which their patients come, “so that they have a personal stake in the outcomes for members of those communities.”

Until every medical professional gets on board, there are thankfully many LGBTQ+ health organizations around the country that support people of all identities, like The Center in New York City. There are also online resources like the Bisexual Resource Center to help fill the gaps for those who don’t have ready access to an openly bi-affirming healthcare center.

As Dr. Feinstein says, there are people in healthcare fields who care, and plenty of peers who want to provide support to their bi+ patients. It’s just a matter of getting more and more people educated and on board.

*Name has been changed for privacy.

[rebel666]

Confessions of  a Joann Employee

UPDATE: If you want to send more confessions and/or report what’s happening at your Joann anonymously, there’s EmployeeJoann on Twitter that is responding to messages. They are constantly sharing and updating more as it becomes available to them!

A confession from a Joann employee that is in one of the Covid-19 effected areas and has so much to say about it:

-We are staying open until told by the state otherwise. Even though they declared a State of Emergency and all non-essential businesses must be shut down by 5pm on Saturday 3/21, our company is refusing to. Because Joann themselves is trying to deem Joann as an "essential" store. They even put it all over their website that we are here for the people making masks and small businesses who need fabric to continue. They quote that we are here for the customers and that we as United States Americans have a responsibility to fill this need. They aren’t looking at curbside only as an option, they aren’t looking at offering more benefits for shopping online, they want us open and people in stores. They are sending us emails with pieces of paper (unofficial, not state made) to print out and put in our cars to say we are on the way to work at an "essential retailer." Anything to make it so we can remain open.

-This sucks for employees and here’s why: The way Joann is set up is if we get sick, if we have to leave to take care of someone who is sick, if we want to self-quarantine (because of our health or the health of our loved ones), we either quit or ask to be put on Leave of Absence and cannot return without medical clearance. If we come into contact with someone who has Covid-19 (even if they came into the store), they request we stay home while the rest of us have to work even if we were standing right next to them. As long as we don’t display symptoms, we are expected to show up or we can request LoA. LoA does not pay us. The only way we as employees will be taken care of is if the store closes AND if we have two weeks of schedules set up. I was hoping the company was on the path to this when they had us cancel all the classes until May and then limited hours but all that went out the window today. Right now Joann is doing everything to prevent us from closing and in turn take care of their employees. Every single time I bring up our well-being, I get reminded that we need to think about the customer first.

-Our store is step up to have daily conference calls to talk about the current status and to express any concerns we have. I brought up the status about my county (our major has declared everyone be shut down as of 5pm tomorrow or the police will be involved) and that I am deeply concerned for us and they told me that we have a responsibility as a leader to keep everyone calm and to keep working through this. ***When I asked what if everyone in my store requests a Leave of Absence because we are all very much concerned about our health, they said, "We will replace you with team members from other stores. There are service industry people and travel workers looking for jobs and we will fill your positions with people who will work it."*** They straight up told me that we are replaceable/expendable because they value their "customers/money." It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been with the company. It all means nothing to them.

-They are sending out emails about what Joann is doing as a whole for Covid-19. Saying we are cleaning every hour and whatnot. What they fail to mention is we are a fabric store with no means of washing fabric. I see people on a daily basis cough into, wipe their snot on, kids place in their mouth, and all sorts of other nasty things into these bolts of fabric (seriously, wash the fabric you buy from Joann before doing anything). We have the basic cleaning supplies to wash floors and wipe counters with but that’s pretty much it. They are telling us as employees to bring in our own supplies if we can. An employee brought in gloves long ago just so we can use them to clean the bathrooms. Today I provided face masks for my fellow coworkers. Our store may look clean but we know its dirty little secrets.

-We are supposed to follow the whole 10 people rule but they do nothing to stop or limit people at the door and won’t do anything to enforce it. All while wanting us to cut hours to which is barely 2 people running the whole store for smaller Joann locations. It’s not safe for us to be on a bare-bones crew especially if they want us to remain an essential store.

-Joann before this was a great place to work. At least for my store. I love my store, I love the people I work with. Other stores I have heard horror stories from but mine was one of the good ones. I see them being bombarded on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to close. Not just by employees and families of employees but by concerned customers. And this pleases me because they need to take this seriously. What they do in the next 3 days will speak volumes on how much they listen to and care about us. This is a serious issue and we as employees are suffering.

As they report more, I will continue to add to this.

UPDATE 3/21: They emailed and made copies of this for employees to carry with them in their cars:

Now the CEO of Joann is also a piece of work. All you have to do is google his name and you’ll see the Walgreen’s lawsuit, his DUIs (yes, plural), and his impact on Joann since joining - which includes increasing prices because of the tariffs. One employee confirms that when tariff thing went into effect, the entire store was repriced. Some markups were a few cents but some were a few dollars. Since then the prices continue to fluctuate.

There is also a petition going on Change.org asking for Joann to Close Their Stores And Pay Employees

If you get a chance, read some of the comments people are putting in support of this:

I no longer feel safe in my workplace. The greed is sickening.

My employees deserve to be treated like people and make a livable wage and have benefits! Our health over their profit!

Staff at my local store have been asked to bring in their own gloves for cleaning. Hand sanitizer expired in 2012. Employees are reporting little to know cleaning supplies in a store that targets the elderly as a primary demographic. The material used in the masks is not medical grade. This company is shamelessly profiteering from the pandemic.

As a former employee and manager I know the company does not follow any real cleaning guidelines. They understaff their stores, overwork their employees and frown upon time off. Fabrics and crafts are not essential items at this time and since the majority of the clientele there are elderly i think they are creating more risk. Finally do something good for your employees and send gem home with pay

As a previous manager, I'm sad to say that this company does not value its workers. To see that they are putting their workers, and others who visit, at a continued risk is unbelievable and is extremely selfish. Now is the time to act and stop the spread of COVID-19 and to keep Joann's open does not help stop the spread in anyway shape or form.

Over the last two days, my local store decided to carry on with inventory. They brought in an inventory team from the area of our state with the vast majority of cases. It's one thing to not close and continue to expose the public to the risk, but decisions like these show that Jo-Anns has a blatant disregard for the wellbeing of its employees and customers. Even more telling is the fact that we know that you are seeing our pleas to do the right thing, but continue to ignore us on social media. There is only one reason that you are pushing to categorize Jo-Anns as an essential business, and that is greed. In fact, I had to spend my own money on gas to drive all over the city looking for more cleaning supplies after my manager ordered me to. Your employees do so much for you, and we are compensated very little. I have been at Jo-Anns long enough to know that you would never compensate us for our time off, but at least join the other non-essential business and shut down for the time being.

joann’s customer base is primarily elderly or otherwise at risk people, and many employees are also older or immunocompromised. employees are overwhelmed as we can’t keep up with the cleaning guidelines while also taking care of customers, not to mention we’re severely lacking in cleaning supplies in the first place. joann is encouraging people to come in for supplies to make face masks, yet these masks aren’t sterile since people touch and breathe on the fabric all day, and it’s then laid on the counter to be measured and cut. employees themselves aren’t even allowed to wear masks or gloves. joann cares more about profit than the safety of both their team members and customers.

There are so many comments I want to share. These are just a few. This is Joann. They care more about their image and their financial gains than the backbone of their stores. The people who put up with their ridiculous requests day in and day out are now at risk and putting others at risk. Places like Hot Topic closed down and took care of their employees, places like Joanns should too!

But also lets not forget, Hobby Lobby is also not taking Covid-19 seriously.

UPDATE 3/22: “We have signs saying we're cleaning more but found out Friday that we're out of supplies in the distribution center. They claim they will send them out once they receive any but I found out today from a truck driver the company that supplies everything for Joann (from inventory to store use items) is closed for 2 weeks... because of this they're telling us to use the bathroom cleaner as a substitute.”

From Joann Employee Confessions on Twitter:

Confession 17 - Our Joann was closed! We received a C&D from the Chief of Police! We were so ecstatic as employees when they came in and told us to cease all business operations! Not even curbside! BUT then we had to tell our District Manager... and everything changed.

Our DM told us to come back to work tomorrow because he was going to have Joann's lawyers work on it. My heart sank. Them being open was more important. So I went into work and it was so nice not being open to the public. We finally caught up on recovery and cleaning! All things we have neglected the past week because it's been too busy for us to keep up! All of us were in great spirits and it was the best day ever. Until our DM called... and he told us to section off all the "non-essential" parts of the store.

Fabric and sewing notions were deemed essential and we would be open to the public the next day. No curbside only. Nope. People were to come right back in and nothing about limitations. Nothing about cleaning our disgusting fabric. Just to section off half the store so the public could come in and buy all the fabric and sewing supplies they could want. And to add to that... they are doing a remnant promotion where all the spare pieces are free to the customer now! Another thing for our already spare crew to do when we don't have time!

I am honestly so shattered over how the Chief of Police who seemed so interested in our well-being backed out of this. We are exposed once again. 3 of us tonight took Leave of Absence papers tonight because we don't feel safe. This was the final nail in the coffin.

UPDATE - My coworker messaged me, “Got up at 10:00 to get ready for work. A text came in saying the store is closed and I don't have to come to work. Seems there was a conference call. It appears the state is involved and overrode the mayor!” But Joann is still fighting it. This is a day by day thing. They are telling us if we want hours we have to go to another store. If not, we have to put in our leave of absence. 

More articles coming through right now: 

These Retailers Refused To Close During The Pandemic, So An Illinois City Shut Them Down

Joann Fabrics' mask-making promotion raises questions

Gregory said the masks were being donated to Rush Oak Park Hospital in Oak Park and to Northwestern Medicine Delnor Hospital in Geneva – but spokespeople for both those hospitals said it was not true.“Due to infection control measures, Northwestern Medicine cannot accept donations of handmade masks, gowns and other medical supplies,” according to an email from Kimberly Waterman, spokeswoman for Northwestern Medicine Delnor. “Only factory-made, hospital-quality supplies, including N95 masks, face shields, gloves, gowns, sanitizers and swabs can be donated.”

“There is no barrier,” White said. “Once [handmade cloth masks] get wet, I don’t think they’re that effective.” (I can confirm. A RN confirmed with me that cloth masks collect moisture which acts as a magnet for infections.)